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Showing posts from 2013

Welcome 2014!

I actually have 3 more hours before it's the new year because it's only 9pm but lots of people are already celebrating.  The kids are out at friends and won't be back until tomorrow morning.  The husband has to work early tomorrow and went to bed because 4:30am comes very early.  So here I sit on my computer trying my best to figure out what was good about 2013 and what I'd like to do in 2014.

When the kids were small we used to sit down and write out a year in review.  We'd use the old calendar and look back and see all the things we did.  It was so much fun to remember all the fun things the kids had done.  Then we'd write out wishes for the new year down.  Then the following New Year we'd look at our wishes and see if we'd managed to make any of them come true.

The kids haven't done this with me for several years now.  So I'm trying to remember it all myself and my calendar isn't helping me because I know I haven't written down everyt…

I'm Exhausted

I'm exhausted, but from what I have no idea.  We don't do lots of running around during the holidays.  Maybe it's from all the sitting.  It's been icy outside so I haven't been going out much.  I need to get out and stretch my legs because this house is so tiny it's impossible to get any exercise here.  If we had the room I'd get myself a treadmill.  But there is no where to put it.

Christmas was quiet as we like it.  Since our kids were small we've tried to keep Christmas low key.  We always do Christmas morning at home.  We make sure they eat and drink properly before diving into present opening.  Now that they are teens some of the excitement has been lost plus it's so much harder to find a gift that will wow them.  Then I think it shouldn't really be all about the gifts anyway so I don't stress over them too much.

We only have a bit of snow, just enough to cover the ground.  It's plenty cold enough but there is no precipitation so no…

Ho Hum

I've been pretty happy up until last week.  Then it hit.  The Ho Hums hit like a ton of bricks.  I don't feel excited about anything.  It all seems boring.  I just want to stay home on the couch with a book.

I'm pretty sure the kids will have a great Christmas because I'm awesome at figuring out what a person wants even if they don't know it yet.   They also will be off school which they enjoy even more than good presents.  The husband gets what he wants but for the life of me I can't figure out what I want except a bigger house.  I've tried to think of a gift that would make me happy, well not happy but something that I'd like.  I keep drawing a blank.  Is this what it's like to get older?  You don't want anything because everything is boring and you know you don't really need it.  All that stuff you get for Christmas will just be more things you have to find placed for in an already full house.

We hardly have any snow and there is rain in t…

The Tree is Up

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I thought I'd make it a formal announcement because usually we don't put our tree up until a week before Christmas but his year it's up over two weeks before.  The reason we don't put our tree up too early is because we always get a real tree.  Our house is very dry when it's cold and the trees dry out quickly even though we keep the stand filled with water and do all the things they tell you to keep your tree fresh.

This year I had money saved from my birthday and I was going to get the best tree not the cheapest one.  I didn't care how much it cost as long as I had enough money in my pocket.  We went with a shorter cultured Fir tree this year.  Usually we don't buy the cultured trees because they are so much more expensive but this year they were actually fairly inexpensive at $40 for a 5 foot one.  The last couple of years they have been $50 and up.

We put our tree on a small table so we can put presents under the table and save space in our small livin…

I'm Crabby

Everyone else was crabby all week but me.  I tried to make them see how much fun life was.  I was having fun.  They continued to be crabby I ignored them and made plans for Christmas fun.  I had hoped that they would join in on my good mood but that was not to be. 

The bad attitudes finally got to me.  The husband egging the daughter on to get angry.  The daughter behaving like a spoiled brat.  The son whining about having to get a present for us.  Can you believe that he's never bought a present for his own girlfriend?  Me either.

The daughter's cat jumped up somewhere he shouldn't be and the husband yelled at her to get her cat down.  She did but she didn't put what was in her hand down first and tried to grab him with one hand.  She always does that, kind of like a toddler does.  You know when they won't put something down to do something else or get something else.   It's like she thinks someone is going to take whatever she has so she won't put it dow…

Now the Other One is Kicking Off

Like we don't have enough problems with the son and his weirdness the daughter decides it's her turn for a meltdown.  At least in her defense she has monthly hormones that make her miserable.

The story goes.  Daughter wants to go to the school's formal dance.  Fine says I and we get her a dress, really pretty too.  I ask about tickets and find they are on sale now for $10.  I ask if she has enough money and she doesn't so I give her some.  I figure it's all set and I'm happy for her until....
she says "I don't know why I'm even going.  I don't have fun at dances."  Arg!

This is true, she hasn't gone to a dance in a couple of years, every since grade 8.  Fine you don't like dances but why did you want to go to this one?  She doesn't know.  She says she feels so stressed out.  I ask her if it's her hormones maybe and she agrees that it probably is.  I tell her to just hang on for a couple of days and she'll feel better.  …

What is Wrong With Kids Today?

I've written about the problems we have with the son.  We aren't sure what his problem is really because he won't talk.  From what we can figure out he has social anxiety and or depression.  We aren't really sure if it's serious enough or not to get him professional help.  Some days he seems normal and then there are days like today when I worry.

The son is in grade 12 this year.  The kids have to work at a paying job or volunteer a certain number of hours and then write an essay about it.  They have to complete this to graduate.  It is part of the graduation requirements, it isn't optional.  We have tried to help him get a job but he won't do anything.  We have explained that he won't graduate unless he does this but he ignores us.  His girlfriend volunteers at the hospital so we encouraged (hand held) him to volunteer there too.  He has been there twice being trained and was supposed to go again today.

I asked him several days ago when he was supposed…

Cold

And I don't mean the sick kind of cold but the kind outside.  It has been really cold here lately.  That seems to be how our weather has been the last few years.  We get this cold snap before the snow comes.  It's hard on the plants because they have no insulation from the cold.  That snow layer is good for something.

I have been doing the usual stuff.  When I try to think of anything I can blog about I come up blank lately and thus why I haven't written.  I sometimes think I'm too tired for life.  I think about all these things I'd like to be doing and in reality I only ever manage a small portion of them.  I'm not talking about a huge number of things just regular stuff but I only ever manage to get the bare minimum done.

I was doing a happy dance a few days ago because the entire laundry got done.  The baskets were empty for a few hours before people started putting dirty clothes and towels in the basket.  I'd really like to do cleaning when no one is ho…

First Snow

First snow of the season was last night.  It's actually still on the ground.  It usually melts pretty fast but this stuff is sticking around.  It's not a huge amount, just enough to cover the grass.  I'm sure it will be melted off in a day or two.  It's not unusual to get snow now but it's a bit early.

I've been doing laundry and no matter how hard I try I can't get it all done in a day.  It's driving me nuts.  As soon as I stop laundry for the day I turn my back and the family has filled the laundry basket.  Then I look around and notice that the rugs need a wash and those towels we never use should be freshened up the cat blankets need a wash.  It is truly one of those chores you cannot get done because by the time you think you are done more needs doing.

I need to put plastic on the inside of a few windows still.  Will do that tomorrow.  I have some organic chickens I need to defrost for supper in a few days.  We will roast them eat the meat and then…

I Have Lost My Mind

Usually I am a very intelligent person.  I don't do things without lots of thought and planning.  I'm actually really boring because I don't do things out of the ordinary or on a whim.  Lately I have been doing things that I have no idea why and without any thought or planning.  I'm kind of scaring myself.  I'm not sure if I'll make some huge mistake and end up regretting what I've done.

Today we got a kitten.  We already have two cats.  The oldest cat hates the other cat.  It's been three years and she still hates him.  She hisses pretty much every time she seems him.  They can be in the same room together but if he tries to walk past her she will hiss and bat at him.  I'm not sure if it's just him or she hates all other cats.

My nephew's cat had kittens which was a surprise to him because he thought his cat was a boy.  They are all black kittens.  Did you know black cats or kittens are the hardest to find homes for?  We went to see them an…

Cause I Like It

And I don't me "It" I mean talking to you.  Why do I blog?  Cause I like it.  I like talking to people who are there but not really there, if you know what I mean.  I imagine what you will think of me when I write things and then I change it all around to sound better.  Oh come on, you do it too!

I like to vent my anger cause it's a safe place to do it.  The worst that happens is some troll posts a reply I don't like and then I can just delete it.  I wish it were that easy in real like.  Can you imagine if you could just delete anything you didn't like?  Nothing would be left!  LOL!

Of course I'd be all regretful about deleting my husband or kids but life would be easier, calmer, quieter, and boring.  I think about getting rid of the cats and life would be cleaner.  I could sleep better cause the cat wouldn't be on my legs all night biting me every time I try to roll over.  I wouldn't have to buy special cat food or cat litter.  I wouldn't hav…

I'm Still Here

I know you are all waiting to hear about my heart problem. Well it turns out to be something I can't even pronounce let alone spell.  Apparently my heart doesn't like to keep a steady beat.  I have some medication that I'll need to keep taking and right now I'm wearing a heart monitor so they can monitor it over an extended length of time.

The Dr. said it was mild and to not worry about it because I wouldn't drop dead anytime soon but it also wasn't something I should just ignore.  So we continue to monitor and take my medication to see if it gets better.

 This could be one of the reasons I've been feeling so tired lately.  Now if I could just fix the husband and my heart I'd be good to go. 

We went to my family's Thanksgiving dinner tonight.  The husband decided that it would be a perfect time to act like a jerk to me the entire time.  On the way home I asked him what he thinks my parents think about his behavior.  Then I gave the example of what …

What Is Going On In the USA?

I'm Canadian and I am totally baffled by what is going on in the US.  I'm not clear on the details because every time I ask someone they give me a different answer.  They are blaming each other for things I don't quite understand.  How is having health care for everyone a bad thing?

When I posed the above question to a friend in the US she said there is no way she wanted to give free health care to illegal aliens and lazy people who don't want to work.  She can afford medical care and coverage for her family and does not want her premiums to increase to help pay for health care for people less fortunate then herself. 

Then I got a totally different answer from another person.  I didn't understand the answer but it had to do with Obama care being a poor plan period.  She said that there should be a better plan.  Okay I can understand that but when I asked why it was a bad plan her answers were not clear.

Each side is blaming the other for the government shut down. …

There Aren't Enough Tissues in the World

I am so sad to say that my friend, who was like a little brother to me, has passed away from throat cancer yesterday.  He was only 46 years old.  My heart breaks for his family, son and wife.  I can't imagine how much pain they are in.  And to think his mom now has her own fight with cancer to deal with.  Can you imagine?

I'm not sure if there will be a funeral.  I don't think he wanted one but the funeral isn't really for the person who has passed but for all the people who loved him.  It's a healing and a coming to terms thing for them.  I hope there is some kind of ceremony.  My older sister and I are going to drop off some flowers at his mom's house.  They live across the street from my parents and we grew up with them.  They are our second family.  I'll have to bring some more tissues because I know I am going to cry a lot.

I turned 50 this past Monday.  I wanted to go out and do something but my husband decided to invite people over to our house.  He …

A Light and Then Wham, Back to the Dark

I still can't believe what's happened today.  The day started off pretty good.  The husband was off work but the weather was rainy so he couldn't work on the dang garage roof.  We've had months of sunshine and as soon as my husband starts to do the roof we get rain, rain and more rain.  All the plywood he put down is going to be ruined.  Of course he didn't bother to buy a new tarp to cover the roof and I'm sure the old one has tons of holes in it. 

The good news is the husband finally got a full-time permanent job!  He's been working part-time jobs and casual on call jobs for 18 years.  It's taken him this long to finally get a full-time permanent job.  Small towns are like this because no one quits and no one leaves a good job.  There are women who have worked where my husband does for 30 or more years.  It's hard when you are part of a Union to get work when you can't move up the seniority list because no one ever leaves or changes jobs.  But…

Oh My Heart

So my results from the Dr. are back and I have low thyroid and something going on with my heart.  I have to see a cardiac specialist about the heart and my Dr. gave my thyroid pills to start.  She says it will take awhile to get the right amount and I will have to keep going back to be checked every month till we find it.  Now that is good news, the heart stuff not so much.

I'm hopeful that this heart thing is just a blip or some sort of mistake.  My Dr. says it is possible that it's nothing and she said not to get too worried until I've seen the cardiac Dr.  Inside I'm freaking out big time though which I'm sure isn't doing my heart any good at all. 

So if I'm not posting much it's because I'm too worried to write a coherent sentence.  But the garage roof is half done.  The husband would have finished it today if it wasn't raining.  I'm not sure if the weather is going to cooperate on the days the husband has off but he has to get this done…

The News

No I'm not talking about Syria I'm talking about my health.  Seems things are not as they should be.  I have to go back for more testing.  I'm not prepared to say much more than that until I have answers.

So if I'm quiet for a bit it's cause I'm on pins and needles waiting for test results or going to get tests or seeing a Dr. or doing whatever.  I'm a little scared but until they know for sure there is no point going on and on about.  I'm just going to pretend like it's not happening for now.

Why So Long?

I went to see my Dr. and she of course took blood.  It will take a few weeks for the blood work results.  She didn't think it was low iron because my nails looked good and I eat red meat three times a week.  So they will look for infection, thyroid and something else I can't remember.  I may have to get some check of my heart just in case too but I have to wait for them to phone me for that appointment.

If those results are good I have to go see a endocrinologist or someone to look at hormone levels.  That may mean a trip out of town because our small hospital doesn't have those kinds of specialists. 

Here's an example of how tired I am.  I sat down after supper tonight and fell asleep sitting up on the couch.  I was sleeping so soundly I didn't even hear my husband come in the front door a few feet from me.  I still can't believe I was sleeping that soundly sitting up.  I mean who dozes off sitting up unless you're 100 years old?!!

Everything seems like to…

Tired

I've been feeling very tired the past two weeks.  I can't seem to get enough energy to do much of anything, even the things I need to do.  I hate feeling like this because there are so many things I want to be doing and then I end up not being able to.  A friend of mine thinks I have fibromyalgia.  I ache so much and it's not from the joints like arthritis but more an all over ache.  It feels like I've just run a marathon and need to rest.

So I've got an appointment with my Dr. to see what if anything is causing this energy low.  Hopefully whatever it is can be healed so I can get on with things and stop feeling like a truck has run over me.

I have lots to post about but I'll have to write it all down later when I can keep my eyes open.

Lavender Wands Shipped

I'm just off to the mail to ship out the lavender wands to two wonderful women who celebrated my 10,000 views with me.  I'm still waiting for a shipping address from Mama Pea.  Mama Pea if you want your lavender wands email me your shipping address.

My lavender finished early this year so the wands aren't as fragrant as I'd like but they still smell wonderful.  I put them in my drawers and closets.  To refresh the scent just give the end a little squeeze.

I was going to show how to make them but I can't take pictures and weave them at the same time.  I need both my hands to make them.  So instead I'll direct you to a website that has instructions on how to make them.  That's how I figured out how to make them.  You do need freshly picked long stem lavender and some ribbon to make them.   Here's a great tutorial on how to make these yourself:

http://fairegarden.wordpress.com/2010/06/04/how-to-make-lavender-wands/

If you don't have very fragrant laven…

Contest Winners!

I didn't get more than 5 people to enter the contest so instead I'm going to call it a Celebration of 10,000 views.  So Debra, tpals and Mama Pea all win a lavender wand!    Just email your mailing address and I'll get them in the mail for you.  Thanks for celebrating with me!  (piperlynne2000@yahoo.com)

Our mail is closed this weekend and it's a long weekend so they won't go out until next week some time.  They should fit into a flat mailer.

Bad news here is a jet fuel tanker truck went off the road into a small stream up from where my In-Laws live.  The area was evacuated because of the strong smell and risk of it igniting.  The truck was driving into a remote area to bring jet fuel to some helicopters which are fighting a fire up in an inaccessible  area. 

Unfortunately my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and niece were coming to the in-laws for a visit.  It takes them two days to drive there and I hope they didn't get stuck in the road closure or evacuation…

Cancer, That Nasty Disease That Just Keeps Giving

Tonight my heart is heavy and sad.  My second little brother (the boy I grew up across the street from) who was suffering from a throat cancer had to have a stent (is that the right spelling?) put in his throat to keep it open enough so he could eat and drink.  He hasn't been able to swallow anything for three days and they had to send him up to a larger hospital to do the stent for him.   There is talk of some kind of eating tube if necessary too.  They are just trying to keep him comfortable because they can't give him anymore radiation or surgery.  They've done it all or so I've been told.  This man is only in his late 40's and should be in the prime of his life but instead he's slowing losing ground to a horrible cancer that is sapping his life and strength away.

And like that isn't bad enough him mom who had her cancer check after her surgery wasn't clean.  She may have cancer somewhere else and has to wait for a PET scan to see if they can find ou…

WOW! A Contest, Sort Of.

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I was just checking my stats for this blog and I have had 10,001 page views!  Who are you people?  I know of a couple of you but the rest are keeping quiet.  I do know that there are many from Russia of all places who are reading this.  Should I be worried?

I have some readers from Alaska and some from the rest of the US.  There are a few other counties but those are the big three.  Very few readers from Canada.  Oh well I don't really want my friends and neighbours reading this cause then I can't make fun of them or tell things like it is.  I also don't want my family reading this either.  If they started to read this I'd have to delete most of the pages.  LOL!  I don't think the husband can read (of course he can read) so he doesn't read this or even know it exists.

I feel like I should have some sort of a giveaway but all I have to give away is belly button lint.  I could make a few lavender wands if anyone would like to have a contest to win some handmade l…

It Has Arrived

The heat that is, the heat of summer has arrived.  We actually have heat advisories because there is a high that is going to come up from the South and we should see temps around 40C by Tuesday.  Today it's already 35C out there.  The a/c is running to try to keep up with the heat.  Unfortunately the a/c unit we have is the biggest we could fit in our kitchen window and it is woefully inadequate to cool the whole ground floor.  I have to turn it on when it's still cool inside or it can't keep cool the house down.   It can maintain the temp if you turn it on early enough though and if you keep the curtains closed and the doors and windows closed once the sun is up.

The husband is home and he makes it very difficult to keep the inside cool.  He insists on opening the living room curtains before the sun is off that window.  That means the heat radiates into the living room and heats up the house.  He is constantly going in and out of the house which lets the cool air out.  If…

It's Not So Bad

I've been reading about the troubles of some of my favorite bloggers.  It makes me so sad to know these people who I  enjoy reading about are going through horrible things.  I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better for them but unfortunately there is nothing a total stranger can say or do that will change things.

Some people are good at blogging.  They write wonderful stories about their lives and what they do.  Some post beautiful pictures and amazing crafts that they make and yummy looking foods that they make.  How can I possibly compete with all that.  I take terrible pictures, I don't go anywhere or do anything fun so my amusing stories are few and far between.  I don't really like to cook and my gardens have possibly more weeds than plants in them this year.

Yet, here I am.  I can't stop myself.  I just have to type away every so often to make sure I am still alive.  If anyone reads this then I apologize for being boring but that's l…

Writers Block

I've been feeling a bit of writers block lately.  Well I'm not really a writer, blogger would be more accurate and even that's pushing it.  Block isn't really the right word either since I've started about a zillion posts and then abandoned them.

So in the interest in getting over my "blogger stutter" I'm just going to post anything.  It won't be pretty or interesting so you have been warned.  Um... who the heck am I kidding?  Nothing I post is e pretty or interesting so if you read this blog expect more of the same.

The daughter got back from her Honor Roll trip with the school and she had a great time.  They toured a university and on the way home stopped to shop in a much bigger town than the one we live in.  It was a very fast trip.  The drive up to the University took 6 hours.  They left at 7am and arrived in time to tour the campus and have supper.  They also watched a movie and did a scavenger hunt.  They stayed overnight in residence.  Eac…

Blogging

I have a huge list of blogs I'm following but so few of them ever post now.  So I'm doing a cull of all inactive blogs.  And I have no idea why I even feel the need to announce this since only a handful of people follow my blog and the people who aren't blogging now won't care if I delete them or not.  But there you have it, the insane need to post every mundane thing we do, that's a blogger.  Not that we don't make it wildly entertaining and interesting to read while we post.  A good writer can make pretty well anything sound interesting.

I'm not saying I'm a good writer though cause I'm already bored with this post and I'm the one writing it!  I'll be looking for new fascinating blogs to follow because I need my daily blog read to be at a certain length of time so my back can unkink from sleeping all night.  I find the best way to unkink is to sit at my straight back chair and read something for about 30 minutes or so.  The kink is because…

Camping

Camping has been on my mind lately.  Most likely because my younger sister gave me our old camping box.  My dad made a box to keep our dishes, cutlery and some pots and pans in.  This was way before the days of plastic tubs.  It has sections inside that let you put your dishes in and they stay put.  We camped with plastic dishes so breakage wasn't a problem.

My dad is an metallurgic engineer.  That means he works with the smelting of metals.  And he is one of those guys who can fix anything or build anything.  When we were kids we always went camping in the summer.  These trips usually involved a long car ride for some reason.  Having 4 kids in the car can make for a very long ride.  We had a station wagon and my dad devised a board that could sit at seat level and cover the leg space so you could lay down properly and sleep or you could raise it up and put the legs on and it was like a table so you could draw, read or eat while sitting on the seat. Not at all like today where eve…

Summer Has Hit

It's been a long time since I last posted.  Summer has come and it is hot!  We have been seeing temps in the low to mid 30'sC all week.  The husband is at work and hasn't been home.  I haven't been able to find the fans and the a/c isn't in the kitchen window yet.  That means it is nasty hot inside the house during the day.  You don't dare turn the oven on or do anything that may generate heat.

I always have great trouble adjusting to the abrupt change in temps we get here.  It goes from cool to hot in one day.  I swell up, my skin feels like it's on fire and I can't sleep.  That makes me cranky.  There is nowhere cool to sit or lay down to take a nap to make up for the lack of sleep at night.  I wish the heat didn't bother me so much but it does and nothing I can do to change that.  I just have to survive.

I've begged the husband to move us out of the hot zone or at least insulate the house properly so we don't have to suffer so much but he…

My Heart is Heavy

Today we learned that my other little brother's cancer has come back for the third time.  The cancer is in his throat and it's making it very hard for him to swallow.  Since the cancer is in his lymph nodes they will not operate to take it out again.  He will go for radiation and chemo in the hopes of shrinking the cancer and lengthening his life but if things don't go well they have given him 6 months.  I call him my other little brother but we aren't related.  We grew up across the street from another family with three kids.  We were always playing with them and they and their parents became like a second family to us.  My parents still live across the street from the parents.  The mom was just in for her 6 month cancer check which we are hoping will be all good news and her cancer will be gone.  She just recently had a bit of her bowel and liver removed due to cancer.  This family really needs some good news fast.

Every night I say a prayer that good health will be …

Toughness

I'm not sure where my daughter got her toughness from but she is one strong girl.  She stayed home sick from school yesterday with a bad head cold.  Today she only went to school in the morning so she could do some scheduled tests and quizzes.  She didn't want to miss them and then have all the hassle of having to talk to the teachers and get them rescheduled.  And like that's not enough for a girl of 15 she's doing a 30 hour famine with the Youth group she's in.  They can only drink water and clear juices for 30 hours.  She got sponsors to donate through World Vision who puts on the event.

I told her that if she was feeling really poorly and she needed to eat a bit of something that would be okay.  But so far she says she feels fine except for the cold and the last time she ate was 6pm last night.  They go to the church tonight to do a bunch of fun activities together and then at 12am they break their fast with pizza!  She's determined to go tonight and is hom…

Back Spasm Tuesday

I've hurt my back again.  I did it trying to contort my body to do laundry in our very narrow hallway.  Our washer and dryer are in the hallway just outside the bathroom door.  You have to go past the washer and dryer to get in the bathroom, to get upstairs or go in our bedroom.  Oh, did I tell you the hallways is so narrow you can't fit two people down it at the same time?  We literally have to back down the hallway if someone else comes up.  Then the washer and dryer take up even more space to make the very narrow hallway a real pain in the back.

I was attempting to sort laundry.  We have three laundry baskets and I try to sort the laundry from one basket into the other two.  No matter when I do laundry someone has to try to force their way down the hallway at least once.  That means I have to stand in the bathroom while they go by.  You don't have enough room to actually bend over in the hallway so you have to bend sideways to pick laundry up out of the baskets. 

Anyway…

Say What?

I had a whole vent typed out, then I had to go eat supper so I just saved it to draft.  When I came back and read it I didn't want to post it.  I'll tell you the gist of it.  It's about changes to our health care coverage.  We used to get children's eye examination covered under our medical.  In other words we didn't have to pay to have our children's eyes examined.  Now for some reason we have to pay $30 for each eye exam and to make matters even worse they have doubled what an adult has to pay.  So we went from having to pay nothing for the kids to having to pay $60 and from paying $76 for each adult eye exam to over $130.  Now that is a big jump in cost that I wasn't aware of.  When I made the kids appointments I was not told the fee structures had changed.  I was hopping mad about it and still am but what can you do?

Right now we have 61 cents in the bank.  The next pay check is a small one too and I'm not sure how we are going to survive the next t…