I Have Lost My Mind

Usually I am a very intelligent person.  I don't do things without lots of thought and planning.  I'm actually really boring because I don't do things out of the ordinary or on a whim.  Lately I have been doing things that I have no idea why and without any thought or planning.  I'm kind of scaring myself.  I'm not sure if I'll make some huge mistake and end up regretting what I've done.

Today we got a kitten.  We already have two cats.  The oldest cat hates the other cat.  It's been three years and she still hates him.  She hisses pretty much every time she seems him.  They can be in the same room together but if he tries to walk past her she will hiss and bat at him.  I'm not sure if it's just him or she hates all other cats.

My nephew's cat had kittens which was a surprise to him because he thought his cat was a boy.  They are all black kittens.  Did you know black cats or kittens are the hardest to find homes for?  We went to see them and ended up taking a sweet little one home.  So now this kitten is in the son's bedroom for the night.  She, at least we think it's a she, has not used the litter box yet so I'm a bit concerned that she's too young to be away from the mom.  The nephew thinks she is almost 7 weeks old and from what I've read you should leave them with their mom's for at least 8 weeks or longer.  So worrier that I am I'm worried that she's too young to be away from her mom and should go back.

I'll decide tomorrow if she goes back to her mom for a bit.  I actually wish we hadn't taken her at all now.  We don't need another cat.  I don't need another cat.  I'm not sure what came over me.  I've done a few things lately that I've felt the same way afterwards and I'm getting a bit annoyed with myself.  Not only is this not like me but I have no idea why I'm doing this or how to stop myself form doing it.  It's not like I thought about it and I just on the spur of the moment do something that I think better of later.

Is this a menopause things cause I'm not liking it at all.  I know we don't have to keep the kitten but I feel obligated.  My nephew was happy to see one of his cats go to a good home.  His mom cat will be spayed very soon, he's not a bad pet owner just a 21 year old who didn't sex his cat properly.

This kitten is so sweet and calm.  She is so unlike our last kitten my daughter can't believe it.  This kitten snuggles and sits with you.  Our last kitten would bite and scratch you constantly.  He didn't like to snuggle at all but didn't mind a few pats.  He's a better cat now but still not snugly.  You can pet him when he wants and he's friendly but not like this kitten.

Plus I bought something I'm having second thoughts about now.  I should probably send it back and just suck up the shipping.  It's supposed to be my birthday present.  I just can't make a decision anymore.  Every time I do something I regret it shortly afterwards.  ARG!  I hate this feeling.  I want to lock myself in a room by myself and not do anything but then that's not living.  I want to live but not feel like every time I do something I've made some kind of grave error.

If this kitten doesn't use the litter box by tomorrow night she is going back to her mom and I'm not sure if we will just leave her there permanently or just for a few more weeks.   Some one else needs to make a decision for me, one that is fun and not boring. 

I have no idea what came over me about this kitten either.  It was like it was another person taking this kitten home, like it wasn't really me at all.  I don't think I've ever regretted getting any of my pets but I'm regretting getting this kitten.  I know you all are saying, take the dang cat back and be done with it but it's not that easy.  If I take the kitten back I'll just end up regretting and feeling bad about that.  I'll feel like I've let my nephew down because he was happy we wanted one of his kittens and relieved to have it go to a good home.  It's a no win situation for me. 

I feel like my life is spinning out of my control.  What the heck is that all about?  I'm exhausted right now and should just go to bed because I have to be up early to go to coffee with a friend.  I have to get up extra early so I can have a shower so I won't be in the bathroom when the kids have to get up and get ready for school.  Having one bathroom is the absolute worst torture a person can endure in life.  This I truly believe.  I have to get up at 6:30 am to get somewhere by 9:30am and I don't even do much with my hair and don't wear make-up.  It's all about logistics of sharing one stupid bathroom.

I'm off to bed in hopes that I'll actually sleep tonight and my outlook tomorrow will be a much better one.  I hope I wake up and this kitten makes my day so I don't have to take her back and she enlivens and enriches my life for the rest of her days. 


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