My Heart is Heavy

Today we learned that my other little brother's cancer has come back for the third time.  The cancer is in his throat and it's making it very hard for him to swallow.  Since the cancer is in his lymph nodes they will not operate to take it out again.  He will go for radiation and chemo in the hopes of shrinking the cancer and lengthening his life but if things don't go well they have given him 6 months.  I call him my other little brother but we aren't related.  We grew up across the street from another family with three kids.  We were always playing with them and they and their parents became like a second family to us.  My parents still live across the street from the parents.  The mom was just in for her 6 month cancer check which we are hoping will be all good news and her cancer will be gone.  She just recently had a bit of her bowel and liver removed due to cancer.  This family really needs some good news fast.

Every night I say a prayer that good health will be restored to them and to my sister in law in Australia who is recovering from breast cancer.  It's difficult when you have lived almost 50 years and known few people touched by cancer or other serious illnesses to have so many suffering in such a short period of time.  It's not like we can do anything to make the cancer go away but send them prayers and be there for them if they need or want us.

So many negative things in the news too.  I've been trying to avoid watching or reading about them online.  Instead I've been sitting outside enjoying our spring weather when it's cool enough to sit out there during the daytime.  You may need a light sweater some days but if it's not raining it's nice enough.  The local smelter was in shut down for yearly maintenance so it was so quiet.  Usually the noise bothers me.  My husband thinks I'm nuts and I should have got used to the sound by now but I don't think I'll ever get used to the sound just like I won't get used to the traffic noises we can hear.  I want to hear the wind and the birds not a constant rumble that goes on night and day.  It's not enough to keep you awake at night or really bother you but if you stop to enjoy some quiet time in your yard you notice it, or at least I notice it.

We got our stove, bed frame and a chair for the living room.  Unfortunately we got a fake leather chair which I didn't realize would stink to high heaven like plastic.  It was so bad I was actually feeling nauseated from the smell and wanted to return the chair.  The husband didn't want to and put it out in the garage for a few days.  People keep saying the smell will go away.  When I did some research into what the chair was made from I found out it was PVC.  And it will continue to off gas toxic fumes for it's entire lifetime.  I wish I had known that before I bought the chair.  I wasn't aware that fake leather was so toxic. 

The chair is in our living room today and it's comfortable but still kind of smelly.  I have one sick spider plant that the cat hasn't killed that sits over in that corner so hopefully the plant can help detoxify the air over there.  I wish I could put the plant back on the window ledge but the daughter's cat knocks them down or tries to eat them.  I lost two of my plants because of that cat.  Now I'm down to one sickly spider plant who doesn't get enough light because I can't put him on the window ledge anymore.  There is only one window in our living room and one in our kitchen.  Not many options or light for plants.

I know spring invigorates most people but it doesn't do that for me at all.  I just get overwhelmed with all the things that need to get done and then depressed and frustrated when I can't get many of them accomplished.  Add to that all the family illnesses and negative world happenings and I'm hoping that this year I can keep positive until Fall arrives.


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