My Heart Breaks

My heart breaks for my daughter.  She's 13 and having a hard time with her friends.  She isn't being picked on or anything nasty she's just kind of being left behind.  He best friend doesn't hang out with her very much anymore and is hanging out with other girls.  So not only does my daughter have to struggle through the teen years and all the friendship crap but she's dirt poor too.  She just can't keep up with what all the other girls are doing and that means no one really wants to hang out with her.

No one wants to come over here for a sleep over because my daughter's room is so small and the ceiling so steep that it's not particularly comfortable to hang out in her room.  There is no where else to be in this house other than the small living room but that's where I am and sometimes her dad too.  What teen wants to hang out with parents?

And all the other girls are doing fun things this summer but my daughter isn't.  She's been sitting around the house for over a week now pretty bored.  I keep telling her to call some of her other friends but she doesn't.  I just wish I could take her on a holiday, not to impress her friends but to give her a nice memory of something fun she did this summer.  I can't even give my kids a holiday.  They sit around the house bored all summer.  I don't think my son has even gone outside in a couple of days.  I try to find things for them to do and I make them do chores.  But we have no money and everything costs something.  We don't have transit like a normal city because we live in a very small town under 10,000 people.  Walking anywhere in the extreme heat would pretty much kill me.  I get rashes from the heat and bad headaches too.  I just can't tolerate heat like I used to. 

There are no activities for teens here, believe me I've looked.  And the activities that are available are too expensive for us.  Usually I don't have a problem with this and think that kids even teens should be able to amuse themselves most of the time but today I just feel really defeated and down about it all.  Probably perimenopause kicking my butt again.  It's just really hard to watch your kids suffer when they've done nothing to deserve it. 

I'm going back to reading my book and burying my head in the garden because there isn't a dam thing I can do about any of this other than cry.  I'll be turning on my job search again even if it most likely will be in vain.


judy said…
I'm sorry you are having a bad time of things-we struggle from time to time too.maybe you could see someone about the menopause thing or read articles about it, it wasn't pleasant when I went through it.I have my daughter 2 teens living with me one has gotten his self a job.the other has not got off the bed from playing x-box all summer. oh we make him check the mail help mow and his brother takes him to his work,but not will start soon.teens are invincible,they will survive. my grandsons especially the 17 year old was severely abused by my daughters boyfriend-he went to prison for a while but I am trying to take up the slake of where she can;t be a mother to them-she abandoned them now they feel better with me-its a whole new nightmare with her other 3 children new boyfriend-coming out of prison next month.i sit down and have a good cry every time I think of the torture that guy put my grand babies through-what kind of mother was i to not read the signs that my daughter used meth for 5 years she clean now but went through hell and i have not even told you the other nightmare when my son went to prison i almost didn't make it---we will survive we are strong you can always e-mail me and talk please -cheer up OK big hugs coming your way
Mama Pea said…
Those blasted teenage years (especially for a girl, I think) are never easy. But for a young gal with time on her hands, it would be a great time to get involved with a craft. Something she could spend time on and create herself and be proud of.

Do you knit or crochet or weave or quilt? Something like knitting or crochets wouldn't require much outlay in the way of cash to learn. Does she like to draw? Even if you can't teach her a craft, there are how-to books at the library that you both could pour over. Would anything like that work?

I think the most important thing in a child's life is to know they have a stable home life with parents that love them. Seems like you're doing a darn good job of providing that. It's gonna be okay, Momma!
Erin said…
I'm sorry to hear this. Just yesterday my 8 year old came home after walking down the street to the only other kid his age's home and said the kid "didn't want to play with him anymore". It's so hard to see this stuff happen with our kids, and I'm new to it all. I was a bit the same way growing up, as we lived out in the country with no neighbors so I would say I had many less friendships than other girls my age, who would spend all summer hanging out in their neighborhood and I was always "behind" the whole summer and had to try and squeeze into the group in the fall when school started. Now, of course I realize that the high school nonsense means nothing in the scheme of life, but it's so hard for a kid to see past what is happening now. My thoughts are with you, and Judy too - just know being the best mama you can in whatever circumstances life brings means you are doing your job well.
Sparkless said…
Thanks ladies. I know that she will be fine but it still is so hard to watch your kids going through difficult times especially when you feel like you are the cause of them.
Melissa said…
Your post struck a note with me. My 13 yo daughter had a rough go of it last year with a friendship that turned quite sour. She had poured her heart and soul (as girls will do!) into this friendship, and the other girl "went on". It was so difficult to watch, and try to say and do the right things as her mom...I feel for you.
Sparkless said…
Thanks Melissa. I hope your daughter is doing well and has made wonderful new friends.

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