Stalled

I'm in a stall.  No, not a horses stall but an engine stall.  I can't get going.  I'm not sleeping well.  Stress will do that.  The husband and I have been fighting.  He's so stubborn it's like talking to a rock.

After 20 years of marriage I wonder what I was thinking when I married him.  He's not loving, kind or generous.  He's pretty much a loner.  He hasn't changed a thing about himself in the entire time I've known him but I have changed.  I've given in to every one of his wants.  If he can't sleep with the sheets tucked in guess who has to struggle all night with a sheet wrapped around her neck or legs?  He wants the lights off to watch tv so I have to sit in the dark.  He never does laundry and won't make the bed.  I could go on but I'm too tired.

So I sit here wondering where to go and what to do.   I wish I had a punching bag because today I feel like I need to punch someone or something.  Sometimes your life just doesn't work out the way you planned it no matter how hard you try.  The older I get the more this is true. 

Today I just want to crawl back into bed and stay there.  This isn't the life I wanted.  This isn't the way it's supposed to be.  I don't deserve this, I haven't done anything wrong.  Life just doesn't go according to plan.

So make lemonade out of those lemons you say.  What do you think I've been doing for over 20 years?!  I've been living on lemonade!  I'd just like a nice glass of orange juice once in a while.