I've been thinking of death lately. Not my own dying so much as the ones around me. My husband and I both have parents in their 80's now and we are blessed to have all four of them alive and doing well. They still live in their own homes although both our mothers are frail and have had many joint replacements. Our mom's walk with canes or a walker now. Seems so many aging women need joint replacements unlike men and I wonder what the reason for that is. I see in their frailty my possible future and I hope that I can change that although I don't really know how.
I know that our parents won't live forever and it will be soon that one will pass away or need to live in a care home. We wish we had the room for them to come live with us and even though my parents have the space to have someone live with them in their home to help care for them they do not wish that to happen. We always joke that they should have a grandchild live in their basement to help them out with all the things they struggle to do now. It would help both the grandchild (as rentals prices are shockingly high now and there are few rentals available here) and the grandparents. I wish this were an option they would consider but it's not and it is their right to choose so we accept that for now. As long as they have their facilities and the money to take care of themselves they can still make their own choices and I hope they get to do that up until the end.
My husband is still working full time and will be 60 in March. I know he would love to retire but he needs to work as long as he can so we can continue to have enough money to live on. I'm not sure how we will pay the bills and keep our house if he retires. Our income is just enough to do those things now so a cut would be impossible. I am looking for ways to generate a passive income some how. I know it is a bit late for this kind of thing but when you can barely survive you don't have the time, money or energy to plan for your old age. It's not because we are lazy or stupid it's because without any extra money you can't save anything. We always blame the poor for their situation but in reality our economic system depends on keeping people poor as workers so others can make more money. Not the best economic system really as only a few people ending up well fed and happy.
Our Christmas was quiet and filled with family which is wonderful. It's nice to be able to get together again. We are all fully vaccinated and some of us have even had the dreaded covid and survived so we are taking what precautions we can by staying away from crowded events and only gathering with our loved ones.
The weather has be all over the place with a snowy Dec. We also had a very cold snap in Dec with temps getting down to -20C one night. Our regular temps in Dec are from above freezing to -5C so anything -10C or below is a bit of a shock for us. We got through and since Christmas the temps are 0 or above so all our lovely snow is slowly melting. It's trying to snow right now and is just a dusting on the ground but the temp is too warm for it to stick around. Our snow banks are all icy hard mountains and hard ice balls. I'd much rather the soft fluffy snow when it's below 0.
We still have our son living with us and he pays rent. He changed jobs and got a better one in a Recycling Center which he seems to enjoy plus his hours are better and his pay is better. He was attempting to buy a house to live in with a friend of his just as covid hit and then house prices went wild here with the average house price jumping over 100k. Rentals are now almost as expensive as larger cities and the vacancy rate is so low it's almost impossible to fine a decent rental to live in. This has all put his moving out plans on hold but he continues to save a ton of money which is good at least. The daughter is still living with her boyfriend since early 2020 although I'm not sure how much longer that will last as she seems unhappy. She is working about 6 hours a week at our local library as a page and it's as much as she's able to do. I could say so much more about her situation but it's her life and she gets to decide what to do with it. Living with a mental illness is not easy and I can't figure it out for her. She does have support through mental health and us so that's good.
I am not sure what our future looks like anymore as it seems I am no longer in control of most of the things. Our parents are aging quickly and I can't do anything about that except try to enjoy their company and love them while I can. I can't change the world and the way things are now for my children so I can only hope somethings good comes. I feel in my bones that 2023 is going to be a good year for me but I don't have any evidence of that yet as it's just a feeling. So for now I'm going to hold that feeling really tightly and believe it as the world keeps turning no matter what I want or feel.
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