Sometimes I come here wanting to write something but can't figure out what to say. I want to post something witty or interesting or thought provoking but I have no idea what any of those things would be. So I go back to reading all the blogs I read and enjoying them without writing anything. I sometimes feel like I have no life. That my life doesn't really exist unless I can write about it.
I don't have a horrible childhood or extreme personal problems to overcome. I don't have poor health or lack of food or shelter. I live in a relatively safe place where I don't fear for my life or property, well most of the time anyway. I have people around me who love me and will be there for me should I need them.
I'm not trying to impress anyone or make myself more than I am. It's like I'm just watching everyone else and doing nothing myself. So then I think I'll do something and I begin but it doesn't last long and then I'm back to watching again. It feels like I'll forever be a lurker in life, never a part of it but looking in from outside.
How do you get rid of that feeling? I have friends and family but I still feel that way. I've stopped all social media and I still feel that way. I've got exercise, taken vitamins, walked, taken meds but still that feeling of not really belonging stays with me. It's not that I feel myself less or not good enough it's that I feel like the perpetual outsider. Even in my own family I don't really feel I belong.
It's a weird feeling and I don't really understand where it comes from. Maybe I'm just supposed to be watching everyone else and not be part of the group? Maybe that's my place in life to be an outsider. But it sure would be nice to be part of the party once in awhile.
I don't have a horrible childhood or extreme personal problems to overcome. I don't have poor health or lack of food or shelter. I live in a relatively safe place where I don't fear for my life or property, well most of the time anyway. I have people around me who love me and will be there for me should I need them.
I'm not trying to impress anyone or make myself more than I am. It's like I'm just watching everyone else and doing nothing myself. So then I think I'll do something and I begin but it doesn't last long and then I'm back to watching again. It feels like I'll forever be a lurker in life, never a part of it but looking in from outside.
How do you get rid of that feeling? I have friends and family but I still feel that way. I've stopped all social media and I still feel that way. I've got exercise, taken vitamins, walked, taken meds but still that feeling of not really belonging stays with me. It's not that I feel myself less or not good enough it's that I feel like the perpetual outsider. Even in my own family I don't really feel I belong.
It's a weird feeling and I don't really understand where it comes from. Maybe I'm just supposed to be watching everyone else and not be part of the group? Maybe that's my place in life to be an outsider. But it sure would be nice to be part of the party once in awhile.
Comments
Just because you didn't have a horrible upbringing doesn't mean you have nothing to say. My youngest son always tells me to write what I know. So far that advice has been spot on. I think you need to step back and look at your life as a whole and be thankful for the misery you haven't experienced. Lack of misery doesn't equate with having a meaningless life. All it means is that your life was different than someone else's. The trick is allowing yourself to feel like you have a voice. Be bold! Pick a subject (religion, politics, relationships, etc.) and dive into it. Be brutally honest and then post it.
Next, lurking is a valuable tool. It allows us to gain experience via other people's pain without having to experience it firsthand. I've always been a lurker, but I'm a lurker with a voice. Writing has always been my friend and outlet since I was very young. Without it, I probably would be 10 shades crazier than I am right now. :)
Last, you are a part of the group. Period!
Let's start a weekly or monthly or whatever prompt by selecting a topic to write about (Birdie, that means you, too) and then we can really see how various people's perspective on the same subject differs. If you're up to this blogging challenge, let me know and we'll work out the details later. I think it'll be fun and a definite learning experience for anyone who wants to participate. The worst that can happen is that you'll find your voice. And the best thing might me that you change your feelings about being an outsider. So what do you think? Let's start our own party and go from there????
I have only just stumbled on your blog, and it is such a breath of fresh air to know that other people feel similar to yourself x