Need to Write

I was not going to write anything unless I really felt I had to.  I didn't want to just write because I thought I needed to put something up for people to read.  But I feel a strong urge to write.  I've actually written about 9 posts that I won't put up but this helped me realize that I really do still enjoy writing.

I feel like lots has changed but also stayed the same.  We took the son's computer and video games away from him because he wasn't looking for a job and was staying in bed all day and playing games all night.  He does still technically have a job but it's the one he got last August.  He worked full-time for two weeks before he went back to school.  He then worked about 4 days between Sept and Dec 2014.  He's worked about 4 hours this year.  Having a casual job is great but he needs to look for something else either a full-time job or a part-time job.  Working a couple days a month is not enough.  And we will not allow him to lay around doing nothing.

So there is the ongoing battle with him to get him to get out of bed, do a few chores and basically act like a normal human being.  It is just so draining.  When we try to talk to him he sits and won't talk.  He doesn't answer questions and acts like a 10 year old immature baby.  I'd like to kick his butt and smack him on the head if it would do any good which it won't and I wouldn't anyway.  I just don't know what his problem is and I'm tired of thinking and worrying about it.  Shouldn't he be concerned about himself a bit more now?  He's almost 19 years old for goodness sakes!

And I lost my second mom to cancer last Wed.  She died in the hospital with her family around her.  My heart breaks for them.  They are asking to be left alone for a bit so they can rest after a long week they spent at the hospital.  I'm sure they are all exhausted and grief struck.  The only thing I can do is to honor their wishes and send my prayers but it seems like so little and not enough. 

I'm not sure if there will be a funeral or if it will just be for immediate family.  My family is not immediate family even though we grew up across the street from them.  When their son died his wish was no funeral so they didn't have one.  I still feel a bit of lack of closure over that.  My personal feeling is that funerals are for the living not the dead and the loved ones should do what they think will help them most.  Of course if they felt that honoring his wishes was what they wanted to do then so be it but for me I've told my husband he's to do whatever it is he wants if I die before he does.  Then I told him a nice Viking funeral where I'm sent off in a burning boat would be great  but putting my ashes or bones in a cemetery is okay too.

I could really use a bit of sunshine in my life right now.   Not literal sunshine although that is nice but less stress and strife.  It's just been really hard slogging lately and I'm tired out from it all.  I'd like to lay down and not get up for a 100 years.  That's how tired I feel.  But I get up every day and do whatever it is that needs doing.  I'm hoping for something good to happen and soon. 


Yes, the urge and need to write is what keeps most bloggers at it, I think. Nice to have a post from you again.
Anonymous said…
My son turns 19 in February and the deal is he has to be working 35 hours a week or he has to move out. It looks like he will be moving out and he is breaking my heart. I never in a million years thought I would have to kick one of my kids out but he has had chance after chance after chance. I have taken him to coundellors and employment agencies. I have helped him with resumes. It all comes down to him not wanting to work.

And I also wish I could sleep for about 100 years.

If you are ever on the island let me know. I would love to meet for coffee.

Sending you love. I am so sorry for you loss and that you are being left out of the grieving with those who loved her most
Sparkless said…
Thanks Debra.

Birdie, if I ever get to the island I will let you know, I'd love to meet for coffee. What are we going to do with our sons'? Mine turns 19 at the end of Feb and if he doesn't get his act together soon he's out the door too. It's so sad that these kids have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I wonder if it's a result of too many video game or internet time?
Anonymous said…
Mine turns 19 on the 26th. I do wonder the same about games and the internet. Sometimes I think it is his Pisces nature.
And if your son was born on the 26 I will eat my hat.

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