If I Had Known Then What I Know Now

I'd of had way more fun when I was younger.  I'd have taken more risks and done more things if I had known that when I got older I would feel like death all the time. Let me tell you what it feels like to be 50.

1.  Everything aches all the time, well pretty much all the time and especially when you get up in the morning and after sitting for awhile.  So when you hear an 50 year old groan when they get up you'll totally understand it's because their bones hurt.

2. You no longer can sleep all night long.  You are wakened  by pains in your body or you have to go pee.  Those long nights of blissful sleep you thought you'd get again when you babies grow up and your teenagers move out don't happen!  I know, it's such a rip off, isn't it?

3. Your eyesight is failing and you have difficulty reading really small print and difficulty reading in dim light and pretty much everything about your eyesight starts to suck.  You need bifocal glasses (or graduated lenses is the new term) or reading glasses or contacts that work for this.  The contacts are fairly new and I really hope I'll be able to wear them cause I do not like wearing glasses.

4. You remember being excited about life and how it felt but you can't quite generate the enthusiasm like that for anything anymore unless it's a massage or nap or both!

5. Your forget stuff you are sure you'd have remembered when you were younger.  You can't remember your own past very clearly anymore because it was sooooooo long ago who can remember that long ago?  Names, dates, places, people, you can't remember them which frightens you because you think it may be the beginning of Alzheimer's disease but you can never remember to ask your Dr. about it and you don't dare google it cause then you'll have it for sure.  Only good thing is if you do have Alzheimer's is that you'd probably forget you had it the next day.

6. The grey hair grows everywhere and when I say everywhere I mean everywhere.  My eyebrows will never be the same!  Only good thing about the hair stuff is your body hair doesn't grow as fast or as much anymore.  So your leg hair becomes less thick and grows more slowly as does the rest of your body hair and hair on your head too.  Saves you money on razors and hair cuts which is the only trade off.

7.  Everyone seems so young now and then you realize that people aren't young it's just that you are old.  You can now tell stories about the good old days of rotary phones, record players, no computers, no cell phones, no internet and cartoons were only on tv on Saturday mornings.  There is so much more but it gets scary to think how much has changed since I was a kid.  I wonder what will change for my kids that they could only ever dream about now. 

8. What really funny about this list is that I was rereading it and by number 8 had kind of forgotten what the point of the list was so had to read the beginning again so let me just add again about how your memory becomes like Swiss cheese!

And that is the end of my list of things I've noticed.  I'm sure I could come up with more like how cutting your toe nails becomes a much bigger chore than it should be because it involves a full body bend which your body doesn't do so well anymore.  The cracks and pops you feel when you bend could actually be your bones breaking they are that loud and shocking.  You always stop after you hear them and count to ten hoping nothing is torn or broken and sure that if you don't feel any searing pain you must be okay to move with just the usual dull ache happening.  Yup life is not an adventure anymore it's more a visit to the Dr. with hopefully a pill in store that will cure you.  If no pill exists then you really hope you have someone who loves you enough to take care of you or at least someone who is healthy enough to take care of you in your old age.  Yup, old age, the gift that keeps giving until you're dead!


Anonymous said…
oh my gosh ....I am 52 and have a garden/greenhouse, chickens , fruit trees , blue berry bushes, raspberry beds and strawberries to care for. Plus I work full time. You make being over 50 sound like death! I realize everyone ages differently but give those that are younger something to look forward to....50 is not a death sentence.
Mama Pea said…
Well, if 50 is old, I'm 'bout on my way out!

Just remember, dear lady, every day is a new beginning. It might not be easy (understatement!) but I know you have the intelligence to do what needs to be done to make things better.
Sparkless said…
In case you totally missed it this post was done tongue in cheek or jokingly. In other words it's exaggerated to make it funny.
Maybe #9 should be losing your ability to make a joke?
Mama Pea said…
Ooops, I DID miss your intention! But don't feel like the Lone Ranger. I frequently say things in jest and find people take me seriously. Must be everyone else has no sense of humor, eh? :o)

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