A Little Something

I've started about 10 posts in the past couple of weeks and then saved them to draft.  When I came back to reread them and edit I end up not posting them at all so there they sit and my blog stays empty.  I'm not sure why I'm feeling that way.  I most certainly have things to say but I'm not sure I want to say them.  Did that make any sense?

I'm waiting.  That's something that I always do in spring.  I'm waiting until the next payday so I can do something.  I need this or that to do this or that chore or fix something.  It always comes down to money and that bugs me.  I want to do so much in the yard but it never gets done because we never have even the smallest amount of money to do it.  So spring holds the months of frustration for me.

The kids need summer clothing and I do look in the one second hand shop we have but it's always so picked over.  All that's left are the stained or horribly outdated clothes.  What teen will wear things like that.  My only choice is to buy cheap stuff at WalMart or some other equally inexpensive place.  I have to stagger purchases by need.  The only good thing is that since the kids are teens now they don't always grow out of everything every season.

The daughter is struggling with her friend group.  She feels like no one likes her.  It breaks my heart to see her cry about something like that.  As far as I can tell her friends still invite her to things and she hangs out with them at school.  She hardly ever invites anyone over to our house anymore.  She says it's because her room is so small her friends don't feel comfortable in it.  I doubt there is anything I can say or do to make her feel differently but I did try.  She is one of the sweetest people I know and never says an unkind word about anyone.  I can't even say that about myself.

I tried to explain that the teen years are about learning who you are and that having all sorts of feelings were normal.  I told her she shouldn't care too much if other people like her or not.   If they don't like her that's their problem.  The most important thing is she decides what is important to her and sticks by that.  She should look for friends who have the same goals and values as she does.  Friends from high school change and I only have a couple of friends that I knew in high school that I even keep in touch with and that's not very often because they all moved.

I blathered on trying to help her to see that even if she was feeling like that now it wasn't going to be permanent and that she was a wonderful person.  I'm not sure if it got through.  I'm not even sure if I believed what I said.  Who doesn't want to be liked?  I guess I'm feeling a bit hopeless too.  Spring does that to me.  It has all that promise and it's lured me in the past to hope for way too much which only lead to frustration and disappointment.

You see.  I've already edited half of this post out and was just about to delete the whole thing.  I'm having to post this quick before I lose the will to post at all.

Comments

Erin said…
High school sucks, but nothing you can say will make her realize how unimportant these years are socially in the bigger game of life. I still remember what it was like to want to fit in to the right group, and nothing my parents said made it any different sadly. But, they were right (of course!) and those days had no bearing on my later years and the relationships that really count in adult life. I'm sorry she's going through this, it's tough. I'm right there on the payday to payday thing, luckily we have bigger thrift stores here, with plenty of people that seem to get rid of things while they are still in style!
Sparkless said…
Erin you are so right that high school sucks. The sad thing is that it really shouldn't. It should be a wonderful time learning about yourself and growing but sadly it's about fitting in and relationships with people who manipulate and aren't worth your friendship.

I'm just happy I'm done high school and I'm not going back ever!

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