Can't Start

I've started several blog posts in the last week but none of them made the cut.  Usually I just blot out my feelings on the page and don't worry too much about it but for some reason every time I try to write something it doesn't get finished or doesn't turn out the way I want it to.  It must be February blahs.

Valentines' Day was the usual.  The husband makes a minor effort and really doesn't want to make any at all.  He asks me every year if we are getting each other anything.  sigh  Can you imagine being asked that?  We have agreed in the past that there wasn't enough money to buy gifts for each other but for Valentines' Day one can get creative and not have to spend a penny.  I'm not very materialistic but I do expect some effort now and again.  Unfortunately the husband is a lazy sort who can't be bothered.

When he found out I got him some candy he made up a lame card.  He didn't put much effort into it and then scribbled at the bottom that he'd give me a foot rub too.  I said thanks and put the card up without enthusiasm.  That's how he accepts gifts from people so I figure it's time for him to get a taste of his own medicine.  Even the kids have noticed how he thanks people for gifts, with the lack of enthusiasm or grace.  It's not like he doesn't like the gift either it's just he's a butt head who can't be bothered to be thankful.  I think it's such a lack of manners to not sincerely thank someone who has gone to the effort and put thought into a gift no matter if you like it or not you should acknowledge the person's effort gracefully.

I have spoken to the husband about this.  I've told him how it makes a gift giver feel to just get a noncommittal thanks and a shrug without any eye contact or even a smile.  It makes you feel like crap and you don't really want to buy or make that person a gift again because they don't really appreciate it.  He just doesn't get it.  What I don't get is how an adult doesn't have any empathy or insight into how another person feels or thinks.  Can you imagine a world full of people like that?  I wouldn't want to live in a place like that.

Look people, everyone has feelings just like you.  If you want others to treat you nicely you have to treat them the way you'd like to be treated.  Ever hear of the Golden Rule?  If not then I suggest you read that book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by  Dale Carnegie.  Actually they should make this part of the reading for high school students.

Anyway that was a rant that I wasn't planning on even writing about and it just popped out, sorry.  I was actually going to write about a few other things but got totally side tracked.  Oh well I'll have something to write about tomorrow if I don't delete the post like I did the last 4!


Erin said…
Sorry about your day, that's a bummer. We don't really do Valentine's Day or even Mother's Day gifts since he knows I'd rather spend the money on trips home or the like, but instead hubby will usually cook dinner for me, and that's really appreciated more than anything else, but I still have to beg for a footrub LOL! Hope your hubby does something helpful next time like cooking or cleaning for you, I don't think they realize how much those kinds of things really are appreciated.
Sparkless said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sparkless said…
Erin you are so right that it's important to at least do something for the other person that they appreciate. Even if it is making a meal, doing the dishes or a foot rub. It's the thought that's appreciated. You don't have a spend a fortune to give a thoughtful something as a gift.
Mama Pea said…
Okay, I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist but I'm wondering if your husband's inability to properly thank anyone for a gift is because he doesn't feel worthy or as if he deserves the gift in the first place.

It's kind of like the way we sometimes have trouble accepting a compliment. When someone compliments me on say, my complexion (the wonders of make-up!) I have trouble saying thank you because I want to say, "MY complexion?? I have horrible, blotchy skin! I struggle all the time to make it look decent. How can you say it looks nice??"

So I'm thinking deep down (he may not even realize this himself) he can't get enthusiastic about thanking anyone for a gift or something nice they do for him because that would be admitting he actually DESERVED to be given something nice. Just a thought. You know what they say about us being our own worst enemies.
Sparkless said…
Mama Pea that makes perfect sense but if one is an adult and has been told by someone how bad your behavior makes others feel wouldn't you want to make it right?

I've talked to him several times about this but he just doesn't understand that he's hurting people's feelings especially his kids when they give him gifts. I don't want the kids to grow up thinking it's okay to behave like that or feel rejected by their dad. All of this I've talked to the husband but he's about as changeable as a 1 ton stone!
Mama Pea said…
We can help and support another person, but bottom line we can't change them. The desire for change has to come from them. Some people will never change which is so sad because they are missing out on what could be a truly joyful, fulfilling life. When it comes to that all we can do for our own self-preservation and happiness is to change our reaction to that other person.
Sparkless said…
I was kinda hoping he'd want to become a better person but you are right Mamma Pea, you can't change anyone but you can change yourself.

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