No More Waiting

I find myself waiting a lot.  I'm waiting for the kids to go back to school so I can get some work done or I'm waiting for the husband to go to work so I can get some work done.  Or I'm waiting until we have enough money to do something.  I am perpetually waiting and frankly I'm tired of it.

2011 is going to be the year I'm not waiting for anybody or anything.  Nothing is going to get in my way.  I am going to find a new house and not having enough money to buy it is not going to stop me.  I'll find a way.  I will be 48 this year and don't have time to wait anymore.  Life is passing me by so it's time I stop waiting and get busy.

Sorry if I don't spell check my posts as closely as I should.  I don't have time to waste trying to be perfect.  You all know I'm not so if I make a grammatical error or spell a word incorrectly well forgive me I'm in a hurry.  I've got things to do and people to see. 

Now this doesn't mean I'm not  going to stop and smell the roses, no not at all.  Cause that's something I'm always waiting to do.  I'm waiting until the kids go to bed to read that book or waiting for the husband to stop playing guitar and making all that noise before I can listen to my music.  I have headphones and I know how to use them!

I'm good at noticing the little things like a beautiful day or how wonderful a summer storm is.  I always stop and appreciate those things, I can't understand people who don't.  What I'm bad at is taking time for myself, putting myself high in on my priority list.  A good example is I bought everyone a cozy lap blanket to use while we watch tv.  The kids hoard theirs in their bedrooms.  When they watch tv they use mine.  I end up with no blanket.  So tonight I took back my blanket and told them to go get their own.

I bought myself some special dark chocolate that I was only allowing myself to eat in small amounts to savour it.  As soon as one of the kids or the husband seems me eating some they want to scarf it all down.  So tonight I told them they all had their own chocolate from Christmas still and this was mine.  I felt miserly and was thinking I was setting a bad example for the kids by not sharing but then I thought why do I always have to share everything I have?  Can't there be some things that are just for me? 

I guess I'm feeling less than kind and giving tonight.  It's high time I started taking some time for myself and stopped sharing everything.  I spent my childhood as the second oldest daughter, shared a room with my older sister and always wore many hand me down clothes.  Sometimes I just want something that I can have all to myself.  


Sue said…
There's nothing wrong with keeping your favorite chocolate to yourself. I love my husband more than life itself, but he knows--the Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream is MINE. And death to whoever else touches it!
Mama Pea said…
Hip-hip-hooray for you, Sparkless! You're not being selfish, unkind or non-sharing. It's called setting boundaries. Boundaries that define us as equals. Funny thing, I've been experiencing a bit of the same just recently. I always leave the last of some favorite food for my husband. The last of the Brandy Freeze I made over the holidays. On and on. Why? Am I less deserving than he? No, and it's not that he feels that way. It's basically because society dictates that females be the nurturers and caregivers at the expense of having anyone to nurture or care for us. It's time we started taking care of ourselves. And believing it's okay. More than that, it's NECESSARY. You go, Girl! (And keep reminding me to do the same.) Thanks for the post. 2011 is going to be a year of changes for the better for many of us!
Erin said…
Forgive me for laughing, but on tv last night "the middle" episode was all about her TAKING BACK her house from her kids LOL! go to and watch it if you haven't seen it! Made me laugh because it's exactly the way things are!

You have to take care of yourself first! This is going to sound lame and it's really hard to sustain this for any length of time, but I have tried being "miss happy" around some people that really brought me down and it does kind of make them jealous I think and want to be happier and treat you better. You might try it around your kids & hubby - but they also might just think you've gone off the deep end, that happened to me too LOL! You will figure it out, and don't stress about the age thing, I think there are definite cycles in a person's life relating to feelings of satisfaction or uncertainty or unhappiness, give yourself the time to figure that all out, and don't forget to take care of YOU! If I waited around for hubby to provide my sole source of happiness I would be a mess since he's never here. I don't mean that as I'm angry with him, just that I once reached a place where if I didn't DO SOMETHING I would go crazy... that's when I started blogging and meeting others who share the same interests and were interested in what I was doing - it's a good feeling - keep writing your way through it all. Boy, do I ramble or what?!
Sparkless said…
Thanks ladies. I don't feel so guilty now.

Erin I did see that show the other night and laughed. How appropriate. There comes a point when you have to stop doing everything for everybody and let them do it for themselves.

I hope we all have a fantastic 2011!
Faye said…
As each comment has captured,
"Taking care of yourself" is not a bad thing!

In fact, part of what you show your kids, your husband, your friends, your extended family (and yourself, lol) when you set limits is that you have value as a person! (not more value, not less, but equal value). I believe that's important and not at all self serving.

Besides, if you don't renew youself, how can you continue to give to those you love and who need you?

Keep settin' those limits! lol
Sparkless said…
Thanks Faye. Boundaries, setting limits and being able to renew myself to give to others are my new mantras!

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