Unmoored - Floating Adrift

That's the word that best describes how I'm feeling lately, like I'm a boat unmoored and floating adrift.  I don't have a destination or a captain to guide me.  I'm just floating along.  It's unsettling.  I need to have something to work towards or a destination.  I need to have someone tie my little boat back up or set her on a destination please.

I'm having my usual New Years fumble.  One more year down and a bunch more left to go but what the heck do I do with them?  I'm not sure what I should be doing anymore.  Sure I'm a mom but my kids are teens now and don't need me for every little thing.  I don't have any recent job skills and there are very few jobs here in this small town. 

I'll try to get the kids to sit down with me and do our "Year in Review."  It's fascinating to remember what we did in the past year and I pretty much forget half of what has happened but the kids remember it all so it helps me to see it through their eyes.  We write it all down and then write out what our wishes are for the new year.  Then the next New Years we look at our old wishes to see if any of them came true.  I'm sick of seeing the same old wishes every year only to find that they never got accomplished or came true.  So this year I'm going to make a much more simple wish list, kinda like a bucket list.  I'll see how many of the list I can tick off in the year.

So here is some of what is on my New Years Wish/Bucket List:

- move to a bigger house
-buy a car our whole family can fit in
-get passports for the entire family so we can travel somewhere sometime
-take a family trip over night somewhere (this is sadly something we have never been able to do)
-sing and dance more
-fly in a helicopter
-take a trip to Toronto to visit some friends
-have something published in a magazine, newspaper (blogs don't count)
-lose weight (this is one from my old list and even though I know it most likely won't happen I'm leaving it on, just in case I actually get off my butt and do it!)
-have an adventure where I can tell the stories about it for years to come and hopefully laugh about it
-finish knitting that dang hat!
-start playing my guitar again or learn piano
-take more pictures and put them in actual albums of some kind not just on discs
-go out more
-make more friends
-invite people over more often
-volunteer (I do volunteer but I want to find something that I enjoy more)
-plant a larger veggie garden
-cook more (I'm a horrible cook and the husband does most of the cooking, but I can learn)
-get rid of all the junk in my house

I may actually add more to this list but this is the first 20 things I can think of.  I'm hoping to have 100 things on this list so I've got lots to go but some of those will be more long term things I'm working on and not something I'll get done in the next year.

I'm thinking I should put go to bed earlier cause it's 1:24am right now but I just can't sleep so I got up and came here to try to get some of this stuff out of my head.  Some nights my head feels like I need to unload all the crap that gets stuck in it or I just can't make sense of life anymore.  Now I'll hopefully be able to get to sleep.  Good night.

Comments

Mama Pea said…
I think your feeling of discomboobulation is common to many of us at this time of year. But, hey, you've got a good list of things that you know you want for the new year so I'd say that's a step in the direction of getting "centered," as they say!

I, too, am feeling "not quite right" at the moment, but haven't had the time yet to really think about it and decide what I can do to change my feelings. Hope to get to a solution part of the dilemma soon. :o)

Hang in there, friend. We'll make it.
Sparkless said…
I'm glad to hear it's not just me Mama Pea. I make lists every year and every year and disappointed when I don't get enough done but I can't stop myself from making the list. LOL!
Erin said…
I think you are off to a great start. Some years aren't the best, I've certainly had some doozies! I think you absolutely should take up piano or guitar again because you don't need to depend on anyone else to get a good feeling, your own music will generate some powerfully positive feelings, even if only for awhile - but that's better than waiting for them to happen. I like your idea of the "year in review", I should do that with my kids before they start thinking it's too corny! Just a thought, but do you have an active Meetup.com city near you? I started a homesteaders meetup 2 years ago when I was feeling like I needed to be around more like-minded people and found that to be a nice outlet. You don't have to start a group unless you want to, but there are groups for interests ranging from gardening to dumpster diving fanatics, plain coffee chat and we even had one for "disturbed housewives" (i.e. irate LOL) - check it out anyways!
Sparkless said…
No groups like that in this small town. There's under 10,000 people here but I may be able to find a reading group or something.

The year in review is great. We go month by month and look at our old calendar to help us remember. It would be easier to keep a journal but my kids were never good at that. Each person has different memories and we always have to go back to it several times to add stuff.

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