Silence is Golden, Sometimes

The husband and I are having a fight of sorts. It's not like the usual fights adults have. It's one of those childish ones. This one started with the husband not liking what I was saying even though it needed to be said. He's the type who doesn't like to talk and especially doesn't like to problem solve. He's like his parents, the kind who like to ignore problems and pretend they don't exist so they actually continue to exist. The intelligent adult would work to solve the problem instead of try so hard to pretend it doesn't exist but not my man.

So to make him happy I've stopped talking to him. It's been almost a week now and looks like there may be no end in sight. I'm not really mad at him so much as exasperated. If this is how he wants it then so be it except I'll take it just a bit farther than he expects to make a point. Unfortunately he's a bit dense, oh heck who am I trying to kid, the man is dense as a post.

To end this dispute all he needs to do is to tell me he wants me to start talking to him again and he was basically wrong to expect me to only talk to him about happy nice things. Life isn't all happy and nice and there is no point in pretending it is. Life is nasty and messy and sometimes you have to get dirty to clean up the mess. In other words you need to talk to each other about everything not just the good stuff.

I spent the first 5 years of our relationship and probably longer than that listening to all his problems and helping him work them out. I was the model of patience and caring. But heaven forbid I ever need an ear to bend or help working out a problem cause he doesn't want to hear it. He just wants to pretend that everything is perfect just like his messed up parents always did. These two people are the most co-dependent people I've ever seen. They put on a good front when other people are around but in reality they are both so messed up it's frightening. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Anyway I wonder how long he wants this to go on. Our daughter has her 12th birthday this next Wed and it's difficult to make plans if you can't talk. I guess I'll just make my own plans and he can do whatever. I've already got her a birthday gift which I will not be putting his name on cause he had nothing to do with buying or choosing it. I know it sounds childish and petty but I don't know how to communicate any other way with someone who is so immature. I have to stoop to his level to communicate cause when I talk to him like he's a normal human being he can't take it. He can't deal with reality.

So the silence continues. Actually things are much as they usually are as I do most things on my own but I usually tell him what's going on. Now he's just going to be in the dark about everything and that's pretty much his fault. What really makes me mad is how he doesn't even try to have a conversation or work problems out. What a loser. Yes, I married a loser and I'm not afraid to say it. I'd have to say most of the men I've met in my life are much the same, they have no communication skills. My wish for the world is that men would grow up and learn to talk through problems instead of getting all little boy and running away.


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