Well that's another year gone by. It always seems like I didn't accomplish anything at the end of a year. All those things I wanted to do like get to a healthy weight, clean up the house, get a good job, and a zillion other things, never get accomplished. Why do I want those things but not enough to get off my butt and get them done? Am I just plain lazy?
Should I just give up on these things? Maybe I did make some headway with some of them but not enough to satisfy my perfectionist self. I wonder if I continue to want these things and don't accomplish them will I always feel like a failure. What's it like to make plans and actually complete them?! Wow what a concept. Make a plan and carry it out. Maybe my failure is in not formulating a good enough plan? Yes, that must be it. I need better plans!
So the kids and I sat down and wrote about all the things that we could remember that happened in 2007. We wrote the highlights and any memories we wanted to save. It's amazing how this process always stirs up so many memories. A year I thought was almost devoid of anything interesting becomes a year packed full of memories. I wrote two pages!
We'll save these memories in a box and open them up next year to read. If I thought I could make the kids keep a journal I'd attempt that but from all my past failures trying to do this myself I think we'll just keep the year end revue process as it is.
I can see from my revue of 2007 that I've just been coasting along in life. I've been letting fate and the tides bring me what they will. I've lost a huge part of my spark in life. I'm not sure where or when it got damped but it was sometime around the birth of my kids. I'm not blaming them at all, it's just I let the care of them usurp everything else in my life. Now that they are in school I can't get my spark back. Life just seems like an endless bunch of chores that I don't want to do. And when I think if I could do anything I wanted what would it be? I'm blank. I have no idea what I want to do. I've squelshed my urges for so long and buried them so deep that there is no sign of them now.
How am I going to figure out what I want to do with this overwhelming weight pushing down on me. It sucks the joy out of life and makes me want to stay in bed all day. Nothing lights up my day anymore. Depression you say, most likely. Sure I could go get some medication and try to fix my problem but that doesn't really fix things just holds it together. I want to fix what's broken not give that power to some drug.
Just like with the weight issue. I know so many women who are getting their stomach stapled or that type of surgery. I can't imagine permanently altering my stomach to lose weight. Shouldn't I be responsible for what I shove in my mouth? But then again how much more time do I want to be overweight and not able to lose that weight because I can't seem to alter the amounts of food I shove into my mouth.
I love to read the stories of people who lost weight the healthy way. Now I'm not saying anything against people who get bariatric surgery, it's just not for me. If I can conquer my food issues then I can conquer anything. It's more of an emotional crutch for me so if I don't need that crutch then I don't need the surgery. But how the heck do I stop being an emotional cripple who props herself up with food?
I need to find my spark of course! That's the answer. I need to find some meaning and fun in my life again. So in this blog I'm going to write about trying to find my spark. I'm going to try new things, go new places and maybe even have some fun along they way, at least I darn well better have some fun!
So if you want come along on my journey to find my spark then keep reading, it's sure to be a convoluted, painful, and maybe even uplifting path.
Should I just give up on these things? Maybe I did make some headway with some of them but not enough to satisfy my perfectionist self. I wonder if I continue to want these things and don't accomplish them will I always feel like a failure. What's it like to make plans and actually complete them?! Wow what a concept. Make a plan and carry it out. Maybe my failure is in not formulating a good enough plan? Yes, that must be it. I need better plans!
So the kids and I sat down and wrote about all the things that we could remember that happened in 2007. We wrote the highlights and any memories we wanted to save. It's amazing how this process always stirs up so many memories. A year I thought was almost devoid of anything interesting becomes a year packed full of memories. I wrote two pages!
We'll save these memories in a box and open them up next year to read. If I thought I could make the kids keep a journal I'd attempt that but from all my past failures trying to do this myself I think we'll just keep the year end revue process as it is.
I can see from my revue of 2007 that I've just been coasting along in life. I've been letting fate and the tides bring me what they will. I've lost a huge part of my spark in life. I'm not sure where or when it got damped but it was sometime around the birth of my kids. I'm not blaming them at all, it's just I let the care of them usurp everything else in my life. Now that they are in school I can't get my spark back. Life just seems like an endless bunch of chores that I don't want to do. And when I think if I could do anything I wanted what would it be? I'm blank. I have no idea what I want to do. I've squelshed my urges for so long and buried them so deep that there is no sign of them now.
How am I going to figure out what I want to do with this overwhelming weight pushing down on me. It sucks the joy out of life and makes me want to stay in bed all day. Nothing lights up my day anymore. Depression you say, most likely. Sure I could go get some medication and try to fix my problem but that doesn't really fix things just holds it together. I want to fix what's broken not give that power to some drug.
Just like with the weight issue. I know so many women who are getting their stomach stapled or that type of surgery. I can't imagine permanently altering my stomach to lose weight. Shouldn't I be responsible for what I shove in my mouth? But then again how much more time do I want to be overweight and not able to lose that weight because I can't seem to alter the amounts of food I shove into my mouth.
I love to read the stories of people who lost weight the healthy way. Now I'm not saying anything against people who get bariatric surgery, it's just not for me. If I can conquer my food issues then I can conquer anything. It's more of an emotional crutch for me so if I don't need that crutch then I don't need the surgery. But how the heck do I stop being an emotional cripple who props herself up with food?
I need to find my spark of course! That's the answer. I need to find some meaning and fun in my life again. So in this blog I'm going to write about trying to find my spark. I'm going to try new things, go new places and maybe even have some fun along they way, at least I darn well better have some fun!
So if you want come along on my journey to find my spark then keep reading, it's sure to be a convoluted, painful, and maybe even uplifting path.
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