I know that when something won't stop rolling around in my head that there's a reason for it. Maybe this is the way real writers get their inspiration for stories? I was chatting with some friends online and we got to talking about depression and medications. I was shocked to hear how many of my women friends were taking antidepressants. It seems that if a woman is unhappy there is some kind of chemical imbalance in her brain now and every reason to prescribe medication for that illness.
Is unhappiness really an illness? Why are so many women and specifically stay-at-home mom's so ill then? What is it about being a stay-at-home mom that drives women to be so horribly unhappy? Could it be the long hours and no pay? Could it be the mind-numbing boredom of daily chores and kids tv programs? Or possibly the no breaks or social interaction? I thought about all of these things for a very long time and they just didn't cut it. There was something more going on here.
I think our expectations of mom's in general is way too high. We expect them to be able to give and give and give. We forget those moms are people too and need time for themselves, healthy outlets for stress and yes even a pat on the back for a job well done occasionally.
Us mom's put ourselves in a no win position. We stay-at-home because we value out families and children but not ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. We feel guilt when we take time away from our kids or chores. If our house isn't immaculate and our kids the smartest in the class then somehow we've failed at being a mom. It's even more pressure for stay-at-home moms. We think they have all day to clean and teach their kids. But what about breaks for mom? When does she get a break?
The constant pressure to be perfect and have a perfect family we put on ourselves is harmful. So we can't cook great meals every night does that make us a bad mom? So our house isn't immaculate and looks like a disaster zone most days does that make us a bad mom? Our kids aren't the smartest kids in the class does that mean we have failed in our mom duties?
Think if we lavished as much love and attention on ourselves as we do our kids and husbands. Wow how would that feel?
I always cry at this part in Bridgit Jones where he tells her "I like you, just the way you are." It makes me bawl like a baby every time. Can you imagine that kind of unconditional love? What would it feel like to be okay with your body, clothes, house, job, kids or whatever. What if you didn't feel you had to be perfect and were fine just the way you were? Think about it!!! Really, close your eyes and imagine it. How does it feel?
It feels wonderful is how it dang well feels! I don't have to be perfect I can just be me. I don't have to have the perfectly clean house, the smartest kids, be the best cook, or be happy all the time. I can take time for myself and not feel guilty cause after all I deserve it. I'm not a robot or woman from a magazine or tv show. I'm a living breathing person who wants and needs to be loved for who she is and not how she looks or what she does. I don't expect unrealistic things from myself like never having a break and always being the one to take the garbage out and do the laundry. I can ask for and expect my partner to do his share and the kids too.
So I say all you medicated mom's stop for a minute and think about what the perfect life would be like. How would it feel to you? Do you live your truth or just talk the talk. Do you run from one chore to the next never taking time for yourself? Are you constantly sleep deprived and rarely have 5 minutes to yourself? Do you give everything you have of yourself to your kids, husband or other place? It's no wonder you need medication for depression. I'm depressed just thinking about that life.
Where's the joy? Where is the love for you? Come on ladies we do it to ourselves with our unrealistic expectations. We have a fantasy about being a stay-at-home mom and we just won't let that fantasy die. Instead we medicate ourselves so we can fit into that fantasy. That fantasy doesn't work and never has. When are we going to get real? Maybe when the drugs run out or our kids grow up?
Our mom's thought going to work was the solution to the stay-at-home mom's problem. This of course just meant that our mom's now worked two jobs because our partners didn't seem to realize that they needed to do more of the housework and childcare. We got a bunch of stressed out mom's who went to work and then a big swing to mom's staying at home with their kids. But that old fantasy never worked. Women were never happy just staying at home looking after their kids. We need time for ourselves, time for things we love to do, time alone with our partners and we need to most importantly stop the unrealistic expectations of perfection.
So my house isn't perfectly clean, my kids aren't the smartest in the class, my hair is going gray and I could be a model for Ruben, but you know what that's okay. I like myself, just the way I am!
Is unhappiness really an illness? Why are so many women and specifically stay-at-home mom's so ill then? What is it about being a stay-at-home mom that drives women to be so horribly unhappy? Could it be the long hours and no pay? Could it be the mind-numbing boredom of daily chores and kids tv programs? Or possibly the no breaks or social interaction? I thought about all of these things for a very long time and they just didn't cut it. There was something more going on here.
I think our expectations of mom's in general is way too high. We expect them to be able to give and give and give. We forget those moms are people too and need time for themselves, healthy outlets for stress and yes even a pat on the back for a job well done occasionally.
Us mom's put ourselves in a no win position. We stay-at-home because we value out families and children but not ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. We feel guilt when we take time away from our kids or chores. If our house isn't immaculate and our kids the smartest in the class then somehow we've failed at being a mom. It's even more pressure for stay-at-home moms. We think they have all day to clean and teach their kids. But what about breaks for mom? When does she get a break?
The constant pressure to be perfect and have a perfect family we put on ourselves is harmful. So we can't cook great meals every night does that make us a bad mom? So our house isn't immaculate and looks like a disaster zone most days does that make us a bad mom? Our kids aren't the smartest kids in the class does that mean we have failed in our mom duties?
Think if we lavished as much love and attention on ourselves as we do our kids and husbands. Wow how would that feel?
I always cry at this part in Bridgit Jones where he tells her "I like you, just the way you are." It makes me bawl like a baby every time. Can you imagine that kind of unconditional love? What would it feel like to be okay with your body, clothes, house, job, kids or whatever. What if you didn't feel you had to be perfect and were fine just the way you were? Think about it!!! Really, close your eyes and imagine it. How does it feel?
It feels wonderful is how it dang well feels! I don't have to be perfect I can just be me. I don't have to have the perfectly clean house, the smartest kids, be the best cook, or be happy all the time. I can take time for myself and not feel guilty cause after all I deserve it. I'm not a robot or woman from a magazine or tv show. I'm a living breathing person who wants and needs to be loved for who she is and not how she looks or what she does. I don't expect unrealistic things from myself like never having a break and always being the one to take the garbage out and do the laundry. I can ask for and expect my partner to do his share and the kids too.
So I say all you medicated mom's stop for a minute and think about what the perfect life would be like. How would it feel to you? Do you live your truth or just talk the talk. Do you run from one chore to the next never taking time for yourself? Are you constantly sleep deprived and rarely have 5 minutes to yourself? Do you give everything you have of yourself to your kids, husband or other place? It's no wonder you need medication for depression. I'm depressed just thinking about that life.
Where's the joy? Where is the love for you? Come on ladies we do it to ourselves with our unrealistic expectations. We have a fantasy about being a stay-at-home mom and we just won't let that fantasy die. Instead we medicate ourselves so we can fit into that fantasy. That fantasy doesn't work and never has. When are we going to get real? Maybe when the drugs run out or our kids grow up?
Our mom's thought going to work was the solution to the stay-at-home mom's problem. This of course just meant that our mom's now worked two jobs because our partners didn't seem to realize that they needed to do more of the housework and childcare. We got a bunch of stressed out mom's who went to work and then a big swing to mom's staying at home with their kids. But that old fantasy never worked. Women were never happy just staying at home looking after their kids. We need time for ourselves, time for things we love to do, time alone with our partners and we need to most importantly stop the unrealistic expectations of perfection.
So my house isn't perfectly clean, my kids aren't the smartest in the class, my hair is going gray and I could be a model for Ruben, but you know what that's okay. I like myself, just the way I am!
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