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Showing posts from 2018

Good Bye 2018

The last two years have been a real struggle.  I'll be glad when this one is over.  My hope is 2019 will be better than this year has been.  I've been feeling more and more like there is no hope for anything anymore.  I keep having pep talks with myself but then fall back down the black hole again. UG!

I want to hear happy good hopeful stories.  I want to hear funny things that make me laugh.  I want everyone else to be happy for a bit and not angry and bitter.  I don't expect to be happy all the time but it sure would be nice to feel some hope.

I used to eat my feelings but now I have chosen not to do that anymore because I want to improve my health and that become a problem.  I find I don't have anything to look forward to now.  This is a struggle if you can't reward yourself for getting through the day.  What does everyone else do?

I wish that things would get better but I have no hope for that right now.  The days feel endless and empty and dark.  So my hope is…

Honor Your Tears

My sister and I went to a Jann Arden concert the other night and were blown away.  I'm not a huge fan of her music but don't hate it and I knew my sister had seen her once before and said she was fantastic.  So I got us both tickets a long time ago and we finally got to see her.  She was amazing!  I would say she was at least 50% better live than listening to her recorded music.  Some people are just better in concert. 

She also told her life stories and boy has she had a difficult time of things.  But her main message was that good things can come out of bad things.  In her case she grew up with an alcoholic dad and turned to music while her brother turned to drugs and alcohol.  She is such a wonderful story teller and had us both in tears.  Her brother went to jail for murder on the day she got her first record contract.  She had so many other heart wrenching stories and has even written a book about taking care of her mother who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease.

To…

November is Going Fast!

It's already November and the first week of it is almost gone.  I keep trudging along and trying to get things done but never really getting everything I want to get done accomplished.  Maybe I just need to be happy if I get anything done.  I can hear me tomorrow saying to myself  "Good job you got up got showered and dressed.  Way to go!"  Or the next day saying "Brushed your teeth, good for you."  That's how I'm going to do it from now on.  I'll be amazed with myself if I get laundry done or any other chores.  And yes, I feel that lame some days.

The rain has arrived and it looks like it will be with us for awhile now.  It's not pouring all day just kind of cloudy and rains on and off all day and night.  No snow yet at our elevation but there is some in the mountain passes around us.  The temps are 5-15C depending on if the sun shows her face.

Our house feels cold and damp and no amount of turning up the furnace seems to take the chill out.  W…

Sunny Fall

After an appalling smoke filled summer where you couldn't even enjoy being outside due to the smoke from all the forest fires the Fall weather has been wonderfully sunny and not too cold.  We've had some frost but not many nights are below freezing yet.  The days are sunny and anywhere from 12-20C.  If we didn't need rain so badly it would be a perfect summer but if this keeps up with little to no precipitation it's going to be another long horrible summer.

On the good side it's been a grand Fall.  We haven't had any major family disasters that I know about.  I've lost 20lbs and am feeling pretty good.  I have a ton more to lose but I'm going slowly and working on just cutting down how much and when I eat.  I make my meals smaller and don't eat in the evenings at all unless I'm starving then I'll eat an apple or a small slice of cheese.  The cheese seems to cut the hunger really well and I make sure it's a very small piece so it's no…

Life Lurker

Sometimes I come here wanting to write something but can't figure out what to say.    I want to post something witty or interesting or thought provoking but I have no idea what any of those things would be.  So I go back to reading all the blogs I read and enjoying them without writing anything.  I sometimes feel like I have no life.  That my life doesn't really exist unless I can write about it.

I don't have a horrible childhood or extreme personal problems to overcome.  I don't have poor health or lack of food or shelter.  I live in a relatively safe place where I don't fear for my life or property, well most of the time anyway.  I have people around me who love me and will be there for me should I need them. 

I'm not trying to impress anyone or make myself more than I am.  It's like I'm just watching everyone else and doing nothing myself.  So then I think I'll do something and I begin but it doesn't last long and then I'm back to watchi…

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.  And if you aren't a mom then it's not your day.  If you adopted a child then you are a mom and it's your day.  If you lost your mom and this day is difficult for you because you miss her then celebrate your mom by remembering all the good times you had with her.  If you are a gay couple and have children and have or haven't given actual birth to your child/ren but still mother them then it's your day.  If you don't get along with your mom or she is a drug addict or has some other personality problem and you don't want to celebrate her being your mom then don't.  It's not really about anyone else but mom's today and if you are left out because you aren't a mom I'm pretty sure you have a birthday or can make up a day where you celebrate just being you.  I'm not sure why everyone has to get in on a holiday now.  When it's your day to be celebrated you will know and can put up your h…

Goodbye Sweet Cat

My daughter's asthmatic cat has passed away.  It happened a couple of months ago.  I could see him on the sidewalk outside our house on our security camera.  It looked like he had something like maybe a mouse or something, it's so hard to see details at night even with the night vision cameras.  Then he lay down on his side.  I thought this was strange because it was lighting raining and the sidewalk was wet so I got up to go see and he was just laying there on his side with his eyes open.  I picked him up and rushed him into the house and lay him on his blanket on the couch.  My mind was racing on what I should do to save him.  The vets would be closed because it was 8pm.  It would take them time to get to the clinic and if he was not breathing he didn't have time.  I knew there wasn't anything I could do for him so I felt for his heart to see if it was still beating and felt nothing.  I felt for his breathing but felt nothing.
My son had come down because I called fo…

Unwell and I've Had Enough

I haven't been out of the house in 7 days and am going stir crazy!  The husband managed to catch the flu working during a flu outbreak.  He was also taking prednisone at the time for gout.  Prednisone reduces your immunity so of course he's not aware of that and toddles off to work.  He's been sick for 10 days so far and I'm on day 7.  I actually thought I may be getting better but I can't shake this cough. 
I'm also having another troubling symptom that I'll probably need to see a Dr. about. the skin on my left side of my face is kind of numb.  It started feeling like there was a pimple there when I moved my face it hurt in a certain area.  Now the skin in numb to the touch.  It's probably just rosacea because I've noticed since I've been sick it's been flaring up.  So my face is extra red with little tiny pimples all over.  Yup it's a great look and one I try to cover very unsuccessfully with make-up which I'm horrible at applying …

Happy New Year, I Think

Our Christmas was uneventful, thank goodness.  We had Christmas supper at my sisters house and visited with family.  It was nice.  I was a bit disappointed because I couldn't think of any great gifts to get anyone but that's how it goes some years.

We did get a snowy Christmas so that was good too.  Unfortunately the temps dropped to below what we normally get so it was a bit nippy.  That cold is still lingering and I hope it warms up soon cause I'm tired of being cold in my house even wearing extra layers.

New Year's was me alone.  Everyone was home but the daughter had to work early New Year's Day and the husband had to get up early to drive her so they both went to bed early.  She can drive but the roads are pretty bad so we don't want an inexperienced driver driving plus we only have the one car so if she ditches it we don't have another car to drive.  The son stayed in his room and played video games like he usually does.  I couldn't find any video…