Monday, August 29, 2016

Summer Almost Gone

I know I haven't blogged much this summer.  If you could see my draft folder you would know I have been writing just nothing worth posting.  I just thought I'd do a quick update post.  Lets start with the weather.  Our summer has been so much better than last summer.  It is hot but not nearly as hot and the evenings are cooling down so nicely I've been able to sleep.  It's still in the high 30'sC in the daytime but cools off to the teens at night.  I can deal with that kind of weather.

The a/c in the car may have been fixed.  A fan was not working properly and we had to get that fixed before winter so the defrost and heat works properly.  While they were in there they think they may have found the leak in the a/c and tightened the seal up and filled it up with a/c stuff.  The husband said it's not blowing very cool air but I've got my fingers crossed that they figured out the problem and it's fixed.  It's still plenty hot in the day so it would be nice to have a/c.  Oh the fan part and fixing it cost $245.  While the husband was at the bank getting money on his line of credit to pay for this the lady asked him if he wanted to talk to a financial advisor.  He said no of course because there is nothing to talk about.  We don't make enough money and that is the reason we are in debt.  We spend more than we make and we know it but hopefully when the kids leave we can get our expenses down and pay off our debts. 

Speaking of kids the son is hoping to get a full time job because one may become available.  He seems to like his job and we hope he can get on full time so he will get benefits because soon he will be too old to be covered by the husband's benefits.  The daughter is still working her job, hasn't got her drivers license yet because she never asks to go driving or makes an appointment to retake her test.  She is registered in college and has figured out what she needs to do for everything.  We will drive out there on Wed so she can buy her books and see about getting a bus pass.  She is making stride in growing up and cut 10inches off her hair.  She looks so much older now.

The husband is on his holiday right now and instead of doing anything useful he just does the bare minimum of chores and messes with his guitars and writes music.  It's nice to have a holiday but when you have 12 days off it would be nice to do some of the major chores around the house but he's much too lazy or maybe it's immature, either way he never does anything like that.  I pretty much have to yell at him for a few months to a few years before he will get off his rear and do any house maintenance or cleaning.  I do most of it myself but it would go so much faster with someone able bodied helping.  My back is bad and some days it takes me a long time to get things done because I keep having to sit down. 

Anyway, I am chugging along with nothing new or exciting going on in my life.  I wish I had something spectacular to write about but I'd have to make up lies to do that and maybe I'll do that next blog to entertain you all but today I'll just write the truth and bore you all to death, sorry.  Anyway I'm off to fold laundry so have a great day!

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Ageisms

Why do we tell women what they should be wearing?  I'm too old to wear that, I'm too fat to wear that or I'm a mom and shouldn't wear that.  I will wear whatever I bloody well want and anyone who thinks they can tell a woman what she should or should not wear should take a long hard look at themselves and then give themselves a sound smack in the face for being such a pompous a**! 

Also, just because someone is sitting in their car in the parking lot on their phone doesn't mean they are playing Pokemon Go.  I was laughed at by a couple of young men walking by who assumed I was playing Pokemon Go as I was waiting for my daughter after work.  I almost leaned out my car and yelled at them that I wasn't playing that game because my phone is too old and I can't download it and I'm not a grandmother yet.  My son told me that only grandmothers play Pokemon Go.  That was his reasoning for not playing it so I told him he should run down to the park and tell all the young people down there because no one had told them that only grandmothers play Pokemon Go.

Can you tell I'm sick of being told what I can and cannot do based entirely on my age?  

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

It Never Gets Easier

No matter how many pets I've had, and I've had a few, losing one is never easy.  Right now our 15 year old cat is suffering from something or other and I'm trying to get the husband to take her to the vet to find out if we can do something for her.  The husband is very cheap and doesn't want to take her.  He wants her to suffer for a long time and die so he doesn't have to pay anything.  I swear if he doesn't take her to the vet tomorrow I'm going to be putting the husband out of my misery and burying his body in the yard so he doesn't stink up the place. (just kidding of course)

The old cat could have kidney disease, diabetes, cancer, constipation and a whole host of other costly illnesses that we can't afford to fix.  We know she has dental disease she has had that problem since she was young. I tried to brush her teeth and we don't feed her people food ever so why would she have dental disease?  We also feed the cats good quality cat food as per the vets suggestion.  We can't afford dental care for a cat so at her late stage of life we have been feeding her canned food which she had been eating but she goes through periods where she goes off her food and won't eat for awhile.  We change her food and she starts to eat again for about a week recently.  We thought she was on the mend but now she's back to puking and not eating.

This time she also seems to have constipation or some kind of stomach pain.  I find it so hard to see my animals suffering and I just want to help them but of course they always get sick on weekends and at night which makes it impossible for us poor people to afford a vet visit.  Frankly we can't even afford a vet visit on a regular day but I refuse to let my poor kitty suffer anymore that is necessary.

The last time we saw a vet he said it was food allergies which it is not because we've tried her on every food under the planet and none of them have worked.  I even tried a raw food diet with her but she wouldn't even touch the food so we had to give that up.  He also said she was licking her fur out because she had fleas which she did not have.  If he had bothered to check her fur or flea comb her he would have seen there were no fleas.  Needless to say we never took her back to that vet. 

I just keep hoping that if she is at the end of her life that she just quietly pass in her sleep one night instead of the stress of taking her to the vet and having them give her the needle of death.  I know we will not get that kind of death though and will have to struggle till the end.

My lovely orange kitty has been a wonderful addition to our family.  She has never been a problem and has always brought love and joy to us.  Please send us strength and the wisdom to know when and what the right choice is to make for our dear orange cat.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Putting Along

I'm still here just putting along.  My mom is having her knee replacement surgery next week and it's my sister's and my mom's birthday next week also.  We already had a party for my mom so she could enjoy it.  She'll be drugged up on pain killers on her actual birthday so we thought early would be best.  My older sister's birthday is the same day my mom is having her surgery and because she works at the hospital as a social worker in the renal unit my mom has asked that she be there.  Great way to spend your birthday.  I did offer to take my sister out the night before for supper or just cake and coffee but being the martyr that she is she said her partner is taking her out for supper on her birthday.  In other words don't worry about poor little old me.  So now I have to figure out how and when to give her her gift because we aren't allowed to celebrate her birthday with her she has to be the long suffering person who is at the hospital all day on her birthday even though my other sister and I could do the same thing or at least take a shift if it's that important.

We are getting close to the daughter's graduation time and now I am freaking out but not for the reason you would expect.  I have nothing to wear.  And I am not being dramatic or just saying that other than black stretch knit pants and tee shirts I don't own anything else.  And if I did buy a dress or skirt I would need shoes and then I would need to shave my legs and do something about my horrible looking feet.  It's too much for my poor tired brain to even contemplate.

The daughter doesn't have a date for Prom/Grad so I'm wondering if we should buy her a corsage.  I asked her if kids still wear corsages and she has no idea.  Now I can just see if we don't and everyone has one she's going to feel upset so now I have to go spend more money I don't have.  I just wish we had more money cause things would be easy then there would be no pause or stress, I'd just go get her a corsage and not think twice about it. 

Our car a/c fan is broken again.  So next week when it's roasting hot like 30C I'll have no a/c in the car.  And my stupid husband did not put the a/c unit in the upstairs window for the kids.  It gets unbearable hot up there even when it's not too bad downstairs.  I've asked him to put the a/c in for the last 4 weeks every time he's on his days off.  If I have to listen to one kids complain about it being hot upstairs I may lose it.  I've told the kids that if they have any complaints about the heat upstairs that they are to tell the husband because he is the one responsible and I have done everything short of hiring someone to put the thing in to get it sorted.  Let them be mad at the right parent for a change.

About the car a/c, we've already brought it in three times and paid over $600 to have it fixed.  The first two times to some idiot who didn't fix it and the third time to a different place that fixed it but some cord that the first idiot replaced that makes the fan work fell off again.  The whole dash has to come off to replace this cord so it could be expensive.  The husband thinks he doesn't have any responsibility for this like he can just leave it now and shrug his shoulders.  Nope, not going to happen he can find the money and get it fixed and he better do it soon or he'll have some very hot unhappy people on his case.  If I have to get involved then some of these guys are going to get an earful.  It's their job to fix things and I'm not paying a ton to get this done cause we have already paid to have this fixed.  They had the dash off and knew the cord was really tight they could have ordered a longer one and replaced it but no they thought it was faster and easier for them to just get paid and move on.  Now we have to go back and we aren't going to be happy customers.  Grrr!

Seriously if we go much further into debt we will probably not be able to pay our bills every month.  It's already touch and go.  I've been searching like crazy for a job that I could physically do but most of them involve standing all day or running around after kids.  With my back that's not possible and I don't have the skills or clothing necessary for an office job.  I'd go back to school and take training if there was anything offered locally which there isn't.  Ah, the joys of living in a small town.

And like life isn't a struggle enough I'm having a health concern.  Have any of you menopausal women had spotting after menopause?  This past weekend that happened and of course there are no clinics open on weekends here so I have to wait until Monday to make an appointment which could take weeks.  Then there will be tests ordered which will mean more weeks of waiting to get in and then after that waiting for results and then to get into the Dr. again to get those results.  I'm leaning towards ignoring it entirely due to the stress I am feeling about all the waiting and tests to find out it's nothing.  Please tell me it's probably nothing cause I just don't have the energy to deal with this right now.

I'm trying really hard to think of something positive to talk about and failing.  Maybe next time I'll have more positive things to write about cause reading this makes me sound pathetic and I don't want to be pathetic but sometimes that's the way things are and no amount of wax and polish is going to make the truth shine.

Hope you all are enjoying beautiful weather and excellent health.

Monday, May 09, 2016

Mother's Day Good

I posted the last post before my kids made my day so much better.  Both were at work and hadn't given me anything so I thought that was pretty much they way it would be.  And to be clear I don't really care about bought gifts it's the thoughtful ones that I appreciate more, so spending a ton of money isn't necessary or wanted just a kind acknowledgement.   When I picked my son up he had bought a roast chicken for us to eat for supper so I didn't have to cook.  When the daughter got home from work she gave me a card and a Tim's gift card.  Later the daughter wanted to go get a McFlurry so I drove her and she bought me one too.

So even though some of my family were horrible my kids did save the day for me.  It's nice to have your kids show they love and appreciate you in any way.  I'm am so blessed to be a mom to two amazing young adults.

Sunday, May 08, 2016

Happy Mother's Day

So here I sit on my own on Mother's Day.  Both kids are working and the husband too.  I did drive up to my mom's house to drop off her flowers (not cut flowers but a beautiful pot of flowers) and card.  My mistake was staying and having the life sucked out of me.  I should know better than to stick around too long with my younger sister and dad and mom.  My older sister and her daughter were outside planting the vegetable garden which they plant so they can eat the veggies.  My older sister has a huge yard but her partner won't let her plant a garden anymore so she has to use my parents garden now.

Anyway the level of rudeness and stupidity amazes me.  My dad doesn't understand language and is such a rude man that it's shocking.  When he can't understand something he just becomes a rude Ahole and yells.  Then there's my younger sister who thinks she's an expert on things she has little to no education on.  Did you know that white sugar is poison?  Um, okay then why does everyone still eat it and live?  I'm not saying that tons of white sugar is good for you but it certainly isn't poison.  Once any kind of sugar is broken down in your stomach whether it is from an apple or a cookie it all does the same thing.  The only difference is the speed at which the sugar is processed is slower from an apple than it is from a cookie due to the fibre in the apple.  But when you make that point to her she is suddenly a rabid dog and of course knows more than anyone about sugar because she works in a spa and does laser treatments.... um, okay.

I just  should never have stayed so long to have much of a conversation.  I know as I was sitting there that I should leave.  It's so weird that when I say anything negative about my house or car or anything that is going on in my life they get all nasty to me.  But when my younger sister starts talking about her washer and how it broke down and all the difficulty she had with it and a bunch of other problems they all listen in deep concentration not once seeming to be annoyed or impatient with her.  Like everything in my life is stupid and I'm a useless fool when I say anything but when she says anything they all commiserate and act supportive. 

This is why I avoid my family and only do the bare minimum to be a good sister/daughter.  They just knock me back and make me feel horrible every time I'm with them.  You can't even have a normal conversation with them without them being rude right to your face for no reason other than they disagree with something you said.  

I just had my Mother's Day wrecked by total rude jerks who had no reason to be rude to me other than they consider it okay to be rude to me because they think I'm an idiot.  Remember that your actions speak louder than your words people and when you treat people poorly no matter how much you say you love them that your behavior is the true indicator of your feelings.

I hope anyone who reads this is having a great Mother's Day and isn't having to deal with jerks.


Sunday, April 24, 2016

From 30 to 13 in a Day

The weather here has been hot.  In the 30'sC hot.  The daughter is begging for us to put the a/c in the window upstairs but we knew it wouldn't last long.  We had the hot temps for 3-4 days and then boom it's down to 13C.  Today it was 17C and raining.  I'm dreading the summer.  The long hot days and nights are oppressive and make me feel ill.  I end up not sleeping because it's so hot at night and by the time my body adjusts to the hot temps it's Fall and cooling down.  UG!

The daughter had a test hair style done for her Graduation/Prom.  We don't call grade 12 graduation Prom here but in the last few years everyone seems to be adopting the term from the US so not lots of people call the Graduation dinner/dance Prom.  Anyway the hairdresser my mom booked doesn't do "up hair styles"  So that was fine with the daughter because her hair is long and very thick.  Every hairdresser she has gone to has commented on how thick her hair is.  You can't put that much heavy hair up in a bun and expect it to stay there all night not to mention the constant weight on your head and neck all night.  So she is going to have the front bit back and the rest of her hair in long curls.  So it's part up but most of it down if that makes any sense.  It will be way more comfortable for her and it looks beautiful.  We just have to find some little white flowers or shiny things to add a bid of pop to her hair and some shiny bracelets.  She isn't sure if she is going to wear earrings or not since the top of her dress is a halter and it has lots of bling already on it there. 

We are still waiting for shoes.  We had to order some from Sears because we have Walmart or a small shoe store here and they had nothing.  She just wants some silver or white sandals with a low wedge which of course no one has.  Hopefully one of the pairs we ordered will fit and work.  Then we can move on to having her dress hemmed.  I'd do it myself but the material is so slippery that I think I'll just get a professional to do it.  I don't want to mess up her dress, it was hard enough to find.

Right now I am struggling not to cry.  Do you ever have those days when just about everything makes you sad.  You know it doesn't make sense and usually you are fine with stuff but just today it makes you sad.  Today is that day.  I can't even blame it on hormones anymore or maybe I still have a few floating around but not on a regular basis.

Honestly the thing that tipped me over was going out for coffee with my mom while we waited for the daughter to have her hair done.  Two women walked into the coffee shop and I glanced their way but I didn't really look at them other than to register that two women walked in.  My back was to them but it ended up being two women I graduated with and one who I was good friends with in high school.  I haven't heard from her in years although I know she lives around here.  It made me feel ashamed of myself sitting there all frumpy with no makeup on.  I really have aged terribly and look horrible.  I've gained tons of weight since high school, my hair is grey and I have a red blotch all over one cheek.  I don't resemble the person who I was at all.  When I see other people I graduated with they look like them just older.  I don't even look like the same person.  That depresses me and makes me want to stay home and hide because I'm ashamed.

There are other things that set me off today too but they are too personal to put in a blog even for me.  Lets just say life is not grand and no matter how I try to whitewash it it's not going to smell like flowers if it's shit.   I need to make some changes, some big changes and some little changes.

I don't want to get into what changes just yet because I'm still working things over in my brain.  Hopefully at some point I'll be able to post about things or at least make more positive happy posts.  For today I'm just going to put my head down and cry.