Sunday, December 25, 2016

Worst Christmas Ever!

We knew Christmas was going to be different this year.  My mom and dad always hosted our family Christmas dinners in the past.  In fact my kids have always had Christmas dinner at my parents house except one year when my parents were away in Australia.  My parents are getting older and decided that they didn't want to host this year.  I totally understand but the rest of us don't have homes big enough to comfortably seat the entire family.  So my parents are going to my older sister's house for Christmas dinner and my younger sister will probably be with her husbands family. 

My husband is working a 12 hour shift so we knew he wasn't going to be home for Christmas.  I thought it would be fun for the kids and I to just hang out at home and not go anywhere for a change.  We could make our own Christmas dinner and have it later when the husband comes home.

Then I hurt my knee and it was hard to get in and out of the car to drive the kids to work but it has improved since then so that's a good thing.  But the daughter had a mental break down and is now in the hospital and will probably be there for a few weeks.  It sucks so much for her to be in there at Christmas but we know the way her brain was not working correctly it is the safest place for her.  She seems more clear today just a bit drugged up.  We are hoping she stays that way and we can bring her home for a few hours to open presents tonight.  Normally we open presents in the morning but we are holding off to do that with her if she can come home tonight.  We have to get her to agree that she will go back to the hospital willingly or she can't come home.

I'm trying to figure out a way to get a meal made while I'm up at the hospital for part of that time.  I would have got up early to make it and we could just heat it up but I am exhausted from worry and being up at the hospital so much.  We have a turkey roll and it needs to be in the oven for awhile but I don't really want to go out and leave the oven on.  With the way the last few weeks have gone our house will burn down. Not going to take that chance.

I've done so much crying this week I feel numb.  My poor daughter is so distraught and not her self it's shocking.  The Psychiatrist believes it's a manic phase and could indicate bipolar disorder.  Her dad had hospitalizations when he was a teen for something similar.  She's on some pretty heavy medications and seems calmer the last day and today she called me and seems pretty calm so I hope when we go up to have lunch with her she stays that way and we are able to bring her home for a few hours.

We had to notify the daughter's job that she was sick and we don't know when or if she will be able to come back to work.  They were so sweet and said they would hold her job open for her to decide when she was able to.  Not sure if she will be able to go back to college.  We have to pay tuition by Jan 9th and that's also when classes start.  We are going to have to play that one day at a time and see how things go.  She did do really well in her classes and even though she was starting to become sick during her exams she managed to do well enough to get a B+, and A and an A-.  I'm amazed she didn't do worse because all through exams she was having trouble concentrating to study.

I have a huge pile of laundry I need to get to.  Here I am doing laundry on Christmas day how sad is that.  The son is still sleeping so I better go get him up.  I hope everyone is having a much better Christmas and the New Year brings many wonderful surprises for you all.  And if you don't Celebrate Christmas Happy Holidays to you.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Wettest October in 50 Years

It's been rainy so much this October that we've already had more rain than we've had in 50 years.  It's not the flooding kind of rain just the constant drippy kind.  Can't really get outside to do anything in the yard but I'm firm believer in the letting plants rot into the ground and pulling out weeds in the spring before you plant.  This also keeps the soil moist and gives bugs and animals places to live for the winter.  No I'm not a lazy gardener I'm just letting things break down naturally.  Yup, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I know I haven't written anything in a long time and I don't really know why.  I guess I just don't have much to say.  I also haven't been reading any books which is kind of weird for me because books are my life!  I collect them and cuddle them and make them my own and have a hard time letting go of them.  We'd probably have way more space in our house if I got rid of a few boxes of books but I already buy most of them on my e-reader now and I have culled my books down to the bare minimum.  My bare minimum is just a lot more than someone else.

Last week our old orange cat who was 15 years old died.  She had been failing for awhile and I thought she was on the way out a couple of times.  The second time was on my birthday in late September but she rallied and kept going.  I think her heart gave out because we found her dead on the carpet where she loved to sleep.  I miss that cat.  She slept at the foot of my bed for 15 years and had the softest fur you have ever felt.  She was a sweet cat who had the loudest purr and would do anything for a cat treat.  I just want to give her one last pat and hug but she's gone now and I really miss that old orange puss.

Now we are down to the daughter's asthmatic cat.  He's 6 now and is getting incredibly fat.  The medicine he has to take is probably the reason.  We are going to have to get him some diet cat food.  He's not really strongly motivated by food like our other cat was so it's always difficult to get his pill into him.  We dissolve it in a bit of warm water and then stir that into some canned food, just a spoonful because he needs to eat it all.  We have an inhaler for him in case of emergency and a cat face mask but keeping that thing on his face means trauma for him and for anyone trying to get him to breath while that mask is on him.  I just hope we never get to that stage where he needs daily inhaler treatments.

I am feeling my age this year.  The husband is also starting to feel his age.  The husbands older sister retired early at 55 this year and we marvel that they don't need her income.  Her husband is a few years younger than she is and from what we understand is going to keep working for awhile yet.  He's not planning on retiring early like she did.  We asked her if she had some plans for what she was going to do but she didn't really have any plans.  She does have one grandson who is 3 and her youngest daughter is 16 so she still has a child in high school and both of her older daughters live in the same town as they do.  It would feel weird to be retired and still have a child in school but her last daughter was an oops baby born 8 years after her second daughter. 

I am rambling now trying to fill up the page and I do have a story to tell about something that happened this week but I'll leave that for another post because this one is long enough.  I just wanted to say I'm still here and alive just not inspired to write much lately.  I hope you are all doing well and you aren't getting as much rain as we are unless you need rain.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Summer Almost Gone

I know I haven't blogged much this summer.  If you could see my draft folder you would know I have been writing just nothing worth posting.  I just thought I'd do a quick update post.  Lets start with the weather.  Our summer has been so much better than last summer.  It is hot but not nearly as hot and the evenings are cooling down so nicely I've been able to sleep.  It's still in the high 30'sC in the daytime but cools off to the teens at night.  I can deal with that kind of weather.

The a/c in the car may have been fixed.  A fan was not working properly and we had to get that fixed before winter so the defrost and heat works properly.  While they were in there they think they may have found the leak in the a/c and tightened the seal up and filled it up with a/c stuff.  The husband said it's not blowing very cool air but I've got my fingers crossed that they figured out the problem and it's fixed.  It's still plenty hot in the day so it would be nice to have a/c.  Oh the fan part and fixing it cost $245.  While the husband was at the bank getting money on his line of credit to pay for this the lady asked him if he wanted to talk to a financial advisor.  He said no of course because there is nothing to talk about.  We don't make enough money and that is the reason we are in debt.  We spend more than we make and we know it but hopefully when the kids leave we can get our expenses down and pay off our debts. 

Speaking of kids the son is hoping to get a full time job because one may become available.  He seems to like his job and we hope he can get on full time so he will get benefits because soon he will be too old to be covered by the husband's benefits.  The daughter is still working her job, hasn't got her drivers license yet because she never asks to go driving or makes an appointment to retake her test.  She is registered in college and has figured out what she needs to do for everything.  We will drive out there on Wed so she can buy her books and see about getting a bus pass.  She is making stride in growing up and cut 10inches off her hair.  She looks so much older now.

The husband is on his holiday right now and instead of doing anything useful he just does the bare minimum of chores and messes with his guitars and writes music.  It's nice to have a holiday but when you have 12 days off it would be nice to do some of the major chores around the house but he's much too lazy or maybe it's immature, either way he never does anything like that.  I pretty much have to yell at him for a few months to a few years before he will get off his rear and do any house maintenance or cleaning.  I do most of it myself but it would go so much faster with someone able bodied helping.  My back is bad and some days it takes me a long time to get things done because I keep having to sit down. 

Anyway, I am chugging along with nothing new or exciting going on in my life.  I wish I had something spectacular to write about but I'd have to make up lies to do that and maybe I'll do that next blog to entertain you all but today I'll just write the truth and bore you all to death, sorry.  Anyway I'm off to fold laundry so have a great day!

Saturday, July 23, 2016


Why do we tell women what they should be wearing?  I'm too old to wear that, I'm too fat to wear that or I'm a mom and shouldn't wear that.  I will wear whatever I bloody well want and anyone who thinks they can tell a woman what she should or should not wear should take a long hard look at themselves and then give themselves a sound smack in the face for being such a pompous a**! 

Also, just because someone is sitting in their car in the parking lot on their phone doesn't mean they are playing Pokemon Go.  I was laughed at by a couple of young men walking by who assumed I was playing Pokemon Go as I was waiting for my daughter after work.  I almost leaned out my car and yelled at them that I wasn't playing that game because my phone is too old and I can't download it and I'm not a grandmother yet.  My son told me that only grandmothers play Pokemon Go.  That was his reasoning for not playing it so I told him he should run down to the park and tell all the young people down there because no one had told them that only grandmothers play Pokemon Go.

Can you tell I'm sick of being told what I can and cannot do based entirely on my age?  

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

It Never Gets Easier

No matter how many pets I've had, and I've had a few, losing one is never easy.  Right now our 15 year old cat is suffering from something or other and I'm trying to get the husband to take her to the vet to find out if we can do something for her.  The husband is very cheap and doesn't want to take her.  He wants her to suffer for a long time and die so he doesn't have to pay anything.  I swear if he doesn't take her to the vet tomorrow I'm going to be putting the husband out of my misery and burying his body in the yard so he doesn't stink up the place. (just kidding of course)

The old cat could have kidney disease, diabetes, cancer, constipation and a whole host of other costly illnesses that we can't afford to fix.  We know she has dental disease she has had that problem since she was young. I tried to brush her teeth and we don't feed her people food ever so why would she have dental disease?  We also feed the cats good quality cat food as per the vets suggestion.  We can't afford dental care for a cat so at her late stage of life we have been feeding her canned food which she had been eating but she goes through periods where she goes off her food and won't eat for awhile.  We change her food and she starts to eat again for about a week recently.  We thought she was on the mend but now she's back to puking and not eating.

This time she also seems to have constipation or some kind of stomach pain.  I find it so hard to see my animals suffering and I just want to help them but of course they always get sick on weekends and at night which makes it impossible for us poor people to afford a vet visit.  Frankly we can't even afford a vet visit on a regular day but I refuse to let my poor kitty suffer anymore that is necessary.

The last time we saw a vet he said it was food allergies which it is not because we've tried her on every food under the planet and none of them have worked.  I even tried a raw food diet with her but she wouldn't even touch the food so we had to give that up.  He also said she was licking her fur out because she had fleas which she did not have.  If he had bothered to check her fur or flea comb her he would have seen there were no fleas.  Needless to say we never took her back to that vet. 

I just keep hoping that if she is at the end of her life that she just quietly pass in her sleep one night instead of the stress of taking her to the vet and having them give her the needle of death.  I know we will not get that kind of death though and will have to struggle till the end.

My lovely orange kitty has been a wonderful addition to our family.  She has never been a problem and has always brought love and joy to us.  Please send us strength and the wisdom to know when and what the right choice is to make for our dear orange cat.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Putting Along

I'm still here just putting along.  My mom is having her knee replacement surgery next week and it's my sister's and my mom's birthday next week also.  We already had a party for my mom so she could enjoy it.  She'll be drugged up on pain killers on her actual birthday so we thought early would be best.  My older sister's birthday is the same day my mom is having her surgery and because she works at the hospital as a social worker in the renal unit my mom has asked that she be there.  Great way to spend your birthday.  I did offer to take my sister out the night before for supper or just cake and coffee but being the martyr that she is she said her partner is taking her out for supper on her birthday.  In other words don't worry about poor little old me.  So now I have to figure out how and when to give her her gift because we aren't allowed to celebrate her birthday with her she has to be the long suffering person who is at the hospital all day on her birthday even though my other sister and I could do the same thing or at least take a shift if it's that important.

We are getting close to the daughter's graduation time and now I am freaking out but not for the reason you would expect.  I have nothing to wear.  And I am not being dramatic or just saying that other than black stretch knit pants and tee shirts I don't own anything else.  And if I did buy a dress or skirt I would need shoes and then I would need to shave my legs and do something about my horrible looking feet.  It's too much for my poor tired brain to even contemplate.

The daughter doesn't have a date for Prom/Grad so I'm wondering if we should buy her a corsage.  I asked her if kids still wear corsages and she has no idea.  Now I can just see if we don't and everyone has one she's going to feel upset so now I have to go spend more money I don't have.  I just wish we had more money cause things would be easy then there would be no pause or stress, I'd just go get her a corsage and not think twice about it. 

Our car a/c fan is broken again.  So next week when it's roasting hot like 30C I'll have no a/c in the car.  And my stupid husband did not put the a/c unit in the upstairs window for the kids.  It gets unbearable hot up there even when it's not too bad downstairs.  I've asked him to put the a/c in for the last 4 weeks every time he's on his days off.  If I have to listen to one kids complain about it being hot upstairs I may lose it.  I've told the kids that if they have any complaints about the heat upstairs that they are to tell the husband because he is the one responsible and I have done everything short of hiring someone to put the thing in to get it sorted.  Let them be mad at the right parent for a change.

About the car a/c, we've already brought it in three times and paid over $600 to have it fixed.  The first two times to some idiot who didn't fix it and the third time to a different place that fixed it but some cord that the first idiot replaced that makes the fan work fell off again.  The whole dash has to come off to replace this cord so it could be expensive.  The husband thinks he doesn't have any responsibility for this like he can just leave it now and shrug his shoulders.  Nope, not going to happen he can find the money and get it fixed and he better do it soon or he'll have some very hot unhappy people on his case.  If I have to get involved then some of these guys are going to get an earful.  It's their job to fix things and I'm not paying a ton to get this done cause we have already paid to have this fixed.  They had the dash off and knew the cord was really tight they could have ordered a longer one and replaced it but no they thought it was faster and easier for them to just get paid and move on.  Now we have to go back and we aren't going to be happy customers.  Grrr!

Seriously if we go much further into debt we will probably not be able to pay our bills every month.  It's already touch and go.  I've been searching like crazy for a job that I could physically do but most of them involve standing all day or running around after kids.  With my back that's not possible and I don't have the skills or clothing necessary for an office job.  I'd go back to school and take training if there was anything offered locally which there isn't.  Ah, the joys of living in a small town.

And like life isn't a struggle enough I'm having a health concern.  Have any of you menopausal women had spotting after menopause?  This past weekend that happened and of course there are no clinics open on weekends here so I have to wait until Monday to make an appointment which could take weeks.  Then there will be tests ordered which will mean more weeks of waiting to get in and then after that waiting for results and then to get into the Dr. again to get those results.  I'm leaning towards ignoring it entirely due to the stress I am feeling about all the waiting and tests to find out it's nothing.  Please tell me it's probably nothing cause I just don't have the energy to deal with this right now.

I'm trying really hard to think of something positive to talk about and failing.  Maybe next time I'll have more positive things to write about cause reading this makes me sound pathetic and I don't want to be pathetic but sometimes that's the way things are and no amount of wax and polish is going to make the truth shine.

Hope you all are enjoying beautiful weather and excellent health.

Monday, May 09, 2016

Mother's Day Good

I posted the last post before my kids made my day so much better.  Both were at work and hadn't given me anything so I thought that was pretty much they way it would be.  And to be clear I don't really care about bought gifts it's the thoughtful ones that I appreciate more, so spending a ton of money isn't necessary or wanted just a kind acknowledgement.   When I picked my son up he had bought a roast chicken for us to eat for supper so I didn't have to cook.  When the daughter got home from work she gave me a card and a Tim's gift card.  Later the daughter wanted to go get a McFlurry so I drove her and she bought me one too.

So even though some of my family were horrible my kids did save the day for me.  It's nice to have your kids show they love and appreciate you in any way.  I'm am so blessed to be a mom to two amazing young adults.